Mediating Miracles
by dateileiche
Summary: This story is my take on what could (or should?) happen during and after the second part of season 5. Could Rizzoli and Isles finally figure out what and who it is they really want in their lives? Rated M because you never know what might happen. For now I want to take it slow and focus on developing their feelings. Rizzles ahead!
1. Chapter 1

_Author's note: disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from Rizzoli &amp; Isles. This is my first Rizzoli &amp; Isles fan fiction and my second story ever. If you enjoy it, I will write and upload more chapters. Please feel free to review the story and help me improve as a writer!_

With every time that her feet hit the ground, every meter that she covered, every muscle in her legs working to push her further along her (their) usual route, Jane's thoughts started to wander and yet simultaneously focused on that one issue: Maura. Running was simply not the same without her best friend, but what was she supposed to do? Sit at home, moping and eating greasy pizza until she got too fat and out of shape to do her job? No; the least she could do on a beautiful Saturday afternoon, which usually would have, should have been spent with Maura, was moping while running. Maura. Suddenly, Jane felt like she could not breathe any more, like all the air had been sucked from her lungs, making her stop abruptly and raise her arms above her head in desperate need for oxygen. A fellow runner, the one Maura had once dubbed "The Arm Swinger" (Actually, her innocent suggestion had been "The Swinger", which had given Jane one of the endless laughing fits that were such a welcome part of their friendship), slowed down to offer help but Jane signaled him she was gonna be okay. Maura. Friendship. Was she really gonna be okay, though? Nope, running was definitely not the same without her best friend, but now that she had started her round, she had to finish it, no matter what; so Jane managed to take a deep breath at last and started running again, slower this time.

The first thing the detective did upon entering her small apartment was checking her cell phone.

"Hey, one can still hope for miracles, right?" Jane mumbled to Jo Friday, her currently hysterical little dog. "I was gone for an hour, and you pretend like you haven't seen me in weeks". Well, at least somebody actually missed her. She almost dropped her phone when it rang in her hands. Could it be? No, it was work.

"Korsak, what's up? Great timing, by the way; I just got back from running." Jane kicked off her shoes and listened to her colleague while searching for a cold beer in the fridge. She was just about to open the last one, when Korsak finished his little monologue and told her she needed to come in on her weekend off. "Give me 30 minutes, Vince, I still gotta shower. See you at the crime scene." She tossed her phone on the counter and practically ran into the bathroom, already taking off her clothes and dropping them on the floor carelessly.

While the hot water soothed her tightened muscles, Jane sighed and wondered if she could hide in her shower forever, never having to go to work ever again. What she dreaded wasn't solving yet another homicide on her free day but having to do it at all. A homicide meant a dead body; a dead body meant the presence of a medical examiner. And that would most likely be Maura. It was not like she did not want to see her best friend; she simply could not stand the cold and unforgiving atmosphere, the feeling of being ignored, of being reminded of how she lost Maura as a friend, as a companion, as her back up, all in a single night.

When Rizzoli finally got to the crime scene, the backyard of a large office building, Korsak and her little brother Frankie were already leaning over the victim, staring alternately at the body and the Chief Medical Examiner of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, Dr. Maura Isles. Of course she had to be assigned to this case! Akwardly, Jane joined her two colleagues and tried to appear as professional as possible.

"What happened here?" The question was not directed at anybody in particular, but Jane hoped for a reaction from Maura. It was, however, Korsak with his fine sense for people's feelings and awkwardness in the air, who replied:

"Vic is Gregory Johnson, CEO of Shield, the company that owns the building behind us. A member of the cleaning staff found him like this. Uniforms are taking her statement right now. I think it's safe to say that he died from falling off the roof of the building; right, Dr. Isles?"

"You know, I don't like to guess. But…" Maura looked from Korsak to Frankie, without giving Jane as much as a glance. "It's fairly safe to say without the autopsy that yes, COD may be a broken neck from falling from the roof."

"Do we know if he fell, jumped or got pushed?" Jane knew very well that she would never get an answer besides 'after the autopsy' from Maura, but at this point, she longed for any answer at all. An acknowledgement, some sign that her former best friend still cared for her.

"_We _do not know anything about the circumstances of this gentleman's death yet. It is obviously a suspicious death but to what degree I cannot tell until I have conducted a proper autopsy," Maura responded, still ignoring Jane's very presence. "Let's get him to the morgue and soon I will be able to tell you more, Vince." Maura got up, took off her latex gloves and waved at her assistants to bag the body and prepare its transport, before turning away without a word of goodbye.

"Phew, thank god this wasn't awkward at all," Frankie whispered to his sister, who shot him one of her famous glares of death in response. In turn, he hugged her and kissed her on the head. "She'll come around, you know. You two are best friends, nothing in this world can keep you apart."

"I'm not so sure, Frankie. It's never been like this. I mean, we have fought before and yes, there was this horrible period of time where we didn't talk at all but this time, it feels different. It feels… serious," Jane was close to tears and quickly pulled her brother towards her car, away from the crime scene. "I must have really hurt her this time, and I don't even fully understand what the hell I did. I was just doing my job!"

"Of course you did, Jane, but you also _did_ jump off that bridge, right in front of Maura. From what she told me, she was sure you had jumped to your death; she was so scared for you, Jane." Frankie explained as he sat in the passenger seat.

"I still don't get it, though. Why would she be mad at me for saving that guy? It's my job to protect people and that job is dangerous; Maura knows that. And it's never been a problem. Hell, I even shot myself once and she didn't stop talking to me at all. So why now?" Jane felt the tears creeping up and quickly got into her car, too. Vince was waving at her, gesturing that they would meet back at the office.

"Janie, I really don't know. I think she's the one you should be asking these questions, not me." Frankie shrugged and looked at his older sister apologetically.

"I tried. I asked her what the hell was up but she only told me that I wouldn't ever understand and that she simply could not do this anymore. That was right before she kicked me out of her office, you know. It's been a month and I just really miss her. I mean, of course I see her at work but you just witnessed what that's like. If only I knew what I did wrong, I would change it if I could. I would beg for her forgiveness in a heartbeat." Jane hit the steering wheel with both hands and let out a sigh full of frustration. "Whatever, let's get back to the office and try to at least help the dead guy."

When the two Rizzolis entered the office after a silent car ride, the first and only thing they saw was the woman in Frost's chair, typing something into Frost's computer.

"Hey, what the hell do you think you're doing, lady?" Jane yelled, forgetting all respect whenever someone tried to touch Barry's things.

"I am so sorry, Detective. I was told that this was my new desk and I thought I'd get settled in before my team arrives," the blonde woman replied almost shyly.

"Your new team? Who? Who assigned you to this desk?" Jane stared at the stranger; surely this had to be a misunderstanding.

"Homicide, Detective. I was told to wait for Seargant Detective Korsak and who Lieutenant Cavanaugh referred to as 'the Rizzolis'. Am I using somebody else's computer? I'm sorry." The young detective looked visibly uncomfortable.

"No, you're not." Korsak had entered silently and smiled at the stranger. "This is Detective Jane Rizzoli and that is her younger brother, Detective Frankie Rizzoli. Welcome to the team, Detective Lewis."


	2. Chapter 2

Great. Could this day have turned out any worse? Her best friend hadn't talked to her in a month, her weekend off had been cut short because some dude had jumped off a building or whatever (since when was work 'whatever' to her, anyways?), and to top it all off, some greenhorn even younger than Frankie had shown up to replace someone who couldn't possibly be replaced. Either her face was giving her away or Korsak really could read other people's minds:

"Jane, Frankie. I know this must be big news and you might think it's too early to add another detective to our team, but we need all the help we can get. Nina is doing a great job, of course, but there's gotta be someone in the field with us; with you. You need a partner, Jane."

She? In need of a partner? Pah, the only thing she truly needed was her best friend back. What good would a partner in the field do if she couldn't discuss the tricky details of the case, any case really, with Maura? She could, however, almost feel her mother slapping her on the back of her head, so she remembered her manners, forced herself to smile and offered her hand to the newcomer:

"Hallo Detective Lewis. It's very nice to meet you, I'm Jane Rizzoli. I am sorry for how I reacted; it's just… my – our – partner died only a few months ago and his desk became somewhat of a, I don't know, shrine or something. We'll be okay, just let me…" Jane carefully took Frost's action figure and held it in her hands like a hot potato. Even touching it, changing its location felt wrong to her but taking it out on that new detective would be just as wrong. She carefully placed the action figure next to her computer screen. Vince nodded encouragingly and pinned a photo of the victim on their usual whiteboard:

"Okay, Lewis, I guess the best way to settle in is not to settle in but get dropped right into a case, huh? This is the very unfortunate Gregory Johnson, well-known CEO of a local security company: Shield. They do personal security. Mostly famous people and those who think they are famous enough to have a bodyguard, anyways. But they are also on the government's payroll, so that might be something to look into. As of now, anyways, the death is still only classified as suspicious. Johnson supposedly died because he fell, jumped or was pushed from somewhere in his company's building. We are currently waiting for the results of the autopsy. Speaking of which. Ja— Frankie, could you go see if Maura has found anything yet?"

Not being able to ignore Korsak's slip of the tongue, Jane sighed and sat at her desk, apparently busy shuffling through some papers. Yes, until about a month ago, it would have been her job – and pleasure – to visit Maura downstairs to try to figure out their next steps in this or that murder investigation. Now she even missed the bodies, the organs on cold silver scales, the variety of smells that Jane couldn't and didn't want to analyze in detail; she missed the professional Maura and the private Maura. Her Maura.

"Uh, sure. Detective Lewis, would you like to accompany me? That way I can introduce you to Dr. Maura Isles, our chief medical examiner and genius in all things… well, everything basically", Frankie explained and gestured towards the elevators. Lewis got up from Frost's, that is, her desk and gave Jane a quick smile before following the younger Rizzoli.

"Jane, I am so sorry. I guess I am still not used to the Rizzoli without the Isles. It's like eating a doughnut without icing", Korsak said, trying to make her laugh.

A weak smile was all he got; not bad for a start: "I wonder what Kiki would say to your choice of unhealthy food metaphors, Vince…" Jane looked out of the window next to her desk, trying to come up with the courage to ask what she had wanted to ask ever since he had called her into work on a Saturday afternoon.

"Have you, you know, talked to Maura or anything?", Jane finally rather mumbled than asked, trying hard not to appear too eager for Korsak's answer.

"Jane, I'm really sorry you two are in this situation. But no, I haven't talked to Maura; quite frankly, I believe that this issue is between her and you and you should be the one to talk to her. You were so close, this friendship couldn't possibly just have ended like this. I am sure you can work it out.", he answered truthfully – not what Jane had wanted to hear at all.

"I just…. I mean, I tried and she wouldn't talk to me at all. And by this point, I am really fucking scared by what the reason might be. I am not sure I wanna hear it any more. What if it's… final? Irreversible?", Jane had tried to fight the bad feeling that their friendship was over until now but was suddenly too tired to remain hopeful. There was no sense in trying to talk to Maura again, even though everybody seemed to suggest exactly this as her next logical move.

Before Korsak could answer and further elaborate on why she definitely had to talk to her former best friend, Frankie and their new colleague returned from their little journey to the land of the dead – and Maura.

"Maura is still busy with the autopsy and won't have any conclusive results until she hears from the lab by hopefully Monday morning. But she could already tell us she found skin tissue under the dead guy's fingernails and also light bruising on his arms and wrists. That makes the dead guy officially a victim, and the suspicious death a homicide", Frankie explained and pinned photos of the victim's forearms next to his DMV picture and the crime scene photos taken earlier.

"Skin tissue means DNA, so maybe we'll luck out with one of our databases", Jane said while sounding rather unconvinced. When was murder in Boston ever that simple? When was her life ever simple, for that matter? Her train of thoughts was interrupted by Nina who walked in, still staring at the screen of her tablet.

"Oh, Hi!", she exclaimed when she finally looked up, surprised by the new face next to Frankie, "I'm Nina. Nina Holiday. I'm the technical analyst around here and I am good at my job, despite what my name might suggest in the laziness department…", she laughed and offered the newcomer her hand.

"Judith Lewis. I'm the new detective around here and my name suggests absolutely nothing", Lewis grinned as she shook her hand, and looked from Nina to her colleagues before turning to the whiteboard next to them, "it's good to be here and catch bad guys."

"So! I finally managed to get ahold of the victim's wife. She said she was at a fundraiser in Washington DC and didn't hear her phone until just now. She was very upset and is on the way back to Boston as we speak. That means she won't be able to come in until tomorrow morning. I just emailed all of you her contact information if you want to confirm tomorrow's meeting with her." Nina tapped her tablet lightly and nodded towards their computer screens.

"Thanks Nina, you're really fast", Korsak said appreciatively and turned to his fellow detectives, "looks like there is nothing much we can do tonight. Get home, get some rest. Maybe catch a good movie and have a cold beer. Tomorrow morning we'll talk to the victim's wife and try to shed some light on why he had to die."

Jane sighed and stared at her useless cell phone. What was even the point of these things if nobody ever called? Nobody obviously being Maura, of course. A free-ish Saturday night and nobody to spend it with. Until a month ago she would have bought a couple of beers for herself and a bottle of fine wine for Maura (though what was considered fine in the wine business was quite different for Maura) before heading over to her place for dinner and a movie.

"Uh, see you in the morning then, Detective Rizzoli?", Lewis had put on her jacket and waved rather awkwardly at Jane.

"You're new in town, right?", Jane said, looking up from her phone. "Wanna have a beer at the borderline hipster bar-slash-restaurant where I'd never set a foot in hadn't it already been my favorite place before turning all organic-vegan-beards-and-jute bags?" Rizzoli truly knew how to make an invitation too compelling to decline. That new detective wasn't Maura at all, but a beer was a beer. Besides, she felt bad for Lewis. Being new in Boston and not knowing a soul had to be hard.

"That sounds… nice. Sure, why not!", Judith laughed and waited for her colleague to lead the way to that ominous bar-slash-restaurant.


	3. Chapter 3

Every time Jane walked through the doors of the Dirty Robber she couldn't help but wonder why she even kept coming here now that the Robber's dirty days were over. The answer, of course, was the answer to all of her questions these days: Maura. Maura with her exquisite palate and excitement for all things fresh and organic. Maura with her fancy wines and soy burgers. Maura, who had always made the Robber a lot less dirty. What was she doing here then, anyways? Show her new colleague the reunion of all the hipsters of Boston? Or was it maybe her secret hope to meet Maura and all would be well again in the land of Jane Rizzoli? The voice(s) of reason in form of Frankie and Korsak were slowly creeping back up in the back of her mind: would trying to talk to her former best friend be the right thing to do after all? It had never been much like Jane to overthink things but this time she couldn't help but wonder about all possible consequences of all possible ways such a conversation might, would, should unfold. All her wondering and worrying was in vain, however, as Maura was nowhere to be seen.

"Let's sit in that booth ever there", Jane pointed in a direction opposite where she would always sit with Maura, "It's totally not your style, huh?"

Judith laughed as she took off her jacket and sat down across the table from her colleague: "Well, what I was actually thinking is how the hell this could be your style. Even without knowing you, I would never have expected this to be your go-to-Saturday-night-place. No offense."

"None taken. And you were absolutely correct in your judgment of this book's cover", Jane grinned weakly as she pointed at herself, "I guess I'm used to coming here because of a friend… a former friend, to be exact. Old habits die hard and whatnot."

Perhaps Lewis was not only trained to judge the covers of books but also read between their lines; in any case, she didn't press Jane to explain herself any further at that point. Instead, she reached for the menu and studied possible solutions to the problem that was the hunger after an anxious first day at a new job: "You gotta be kidding me. Nothing with meat? No actual burgers? I mean, I am not exactly a meat lover, but come on…"

Jane studied her colleague's face for a moment, unsure whether she was just as innocent as Maura about sexual innuendos or whether the ambiguity of her words was intended. Could any other human be quite as oblivious to such things as Maura?

"I have experience with the soy burgers and super-green salads around here. Let me order for you and me and you will see how I can manage to minimize the permanent damage to your grease-loving stomach", Jane smiled and waved at the waiter as Judith nodded in agreement.

Ten minutes later, as their beers had finally been brought to their table, Judith raised her bottle and cleared her throat theatrically: "To a new job in a new city; oh and to super hip beers!" As they both laughed and made their bottles clink, Jane caught a familiar face from the corner of her eye: Maura had walked in.

"Hey Doctor Isles! It's nice to see you again. Come, have a beer with us", of course Judith was already waving at Maura, gesturing towards the free seat next to her. How could she have known about the explosion of awkwardness that was about to ensue?

Maura, being the ever polite Maura, walked over, smiling at Judith while simultaneously avoiding to give Jane as much as an accidental glance: "Oh hallo, Detective Lewis. That's a really nice offer but I don't really think I can…"

Every word that came out of her former best friend's mouth was like a tiny stab in Jane's heart; a fact she would never have admitted to in a million years. Instead, she covered up her sadness and lack of understanding how all this could even have happened with a sudden outburst of anger: "Holy crap, Maura. Just sit down. Lewis is new in town and would surely like the company."

Maura stared at Jane for what felt like 10 minutes; opened her mouth, closed it again; opened it again, looking awkwardly at the new detective: "Sure. I would love to get to know you a little better over a cold Feierabend beer." When both women seemed confused at her use of foreign languages, she managed a smile and explained: "Feierabend is the German word for the time after your finish your work. It's a very useful word that the English language lacks, don't you think?"

Jane sighed into her beer and still avoided to even look at her former friend. Of course she would overcompensate with her mauraness for the awkward mess that this dinner had turned into. She smiled as she finally raised her glance and looked directly into Maura's eyes for the first time in what had felt like forever: "Feierabend sounds like something you spend with your friends." It was her desperate attempt to reach out to Maura, all that she could give at that very moment.

"Or with workplace proximity associates, yes.", Maura replied rather coldly and for an instant, Jane hoped it had been a clever reference to one of their favorite shows, and a reference to their underlying friendship. It rather felt like being shot down, however, and Maura didn't so much as smile as she gestured towards the waiter to bring her a beer.

"You're having a beer?", Jane asked in disbelief, "since when do you order beer when you could have a glass of cold white?"

"Well, Jane. There is a lot you don't know about me", Maura said and entire steaks could have been cut with the following silence.

Judith looked from the medical examiner to her fellow detective and back, before getting up to go to the restroom: "Uhm, I'll be back in a moment." Jane had the strong feeling they had made Judith uncomfortable; at the same time she couldn't bring herself to care about that right now.

"Maura. I'm glad you decided to sit down with us. Can we please talk for a minute?", Jane actually crossed her fingers under the table. Begging had never felt right to her under any circumstances but there was always a first time for everything.

"Okay, Jane. You have the amount of 60 whole seconds. Say what you have to say to me."

How could she possibly say everything that she wanted to tell her friend in just one minute? The seriousness of Maura's face showed her that was really all she would get, though. "Alright. I guess what I want to say is that I am really very sorry for jumping off that bridge. I know you are mad at me because of that incident and I have wrecked my brain thinking about why. I think it's because I left you behind. I jumped to a very possible death without so much as thinking about you. I will admit that it was pretty stupid of me, but it was my job. I had to save the guy, he fell. He was innocent. I protect the innocent. And believe me, I wish I had protected you from fearing I had died on you", she used all her strength to look Maura in the eyes and not cry in public. The only one in front of whom crying was almost an okay thing to do was Maura, yes. But only Maura, not the staff and guests of the Dirty Robber.

Maura sighed: "Thank you for apologizing, Jane. I appreciate the fact that you have made the effort of thinking about my feelings. This new insight of yours comes too late, I'm afraid. I cannot be your friend any more, Jane. I wish I could, I really do. But I can't. And please don't ask me why because I can't explain it to you, alright? Not here, and especially not now. Maybe someday I will have found the words to express what cannot presently be put into words. But not right now. Please accept my decision and let me be. I can't do what we have been doing any more, I do not have the strength." Before Jane could ask the inevitable and forbidden question (why?), Jane tossed a few dollar bills on the table, got up and left without another word. Only the full bottle of beer was a sad reminder of how her old Maura had apparently disappeared forever.

"Where did Dr. Isles go?", Judith's surprised voice kept her from either starting to cry after all or running away without neither drinking nor eating nor paying. She sat down and looked compassionately at Jane.

"She left", was all she could answer, shrugging helplessly.

"Again, I don't really know you yet, Jane, but can I say one thing? Man, break ups are the worst. I am very sorry I invited Dr. Isled over. I didn't know…"

Almost falling off the bench she was sitting on, Jane stared at her colleague. Break ups? How could Judith possibly think they had broken up… a relationship?


	4. Chapter 4

It took Jane a moment to find her voice and respond to her colleague's statement. It hadn't even been a question, it was a matter-of-fact you-guys-used-to-date sentence. She stared intensely at her beer and tried to come up with a reply more competent than "What the fuck?", and just at the right moment, their burgers arrived. Obviously, Maura had taken all of Jane's appetite with her when she left, but it was still a reason to keep the conversation at a minimal level.

Finally, it was Judith who broke the uncomfortably prolonged silence: "Jane, I'm sorry if I overstepped a boundary. I totally understand if you don't wanna talk about your private life with a new colleague whom you have known for the total amount of one afternoon. Really, I'm sorry. I sometimes speak before I think."

Jane couldn't help but smile weakly at her colleague: "Believe me, you're preaching to the choir. I apparently never think before I speak; or think before I jump, for that matter. So, it's okay. But why the hell would you think that Maura and I are – were – a couple?" She really couldn't see how Judith could have come to that conclusion at all. They were best friends, yes, but many women had best girl friends without them being their girlfriends, right?

"Well", Judith cleared her throat, "You're gay, right? And then Maura walked in and then I understood why your pictures can be found under the word "awkwardness" in the dictionary. She was angry at you, you were sad and angry at her and then when I came back after a minute she'd stormed out, leaving her beer untouched. That pretty much screamed bad breakup at me. But again, I'm sorry if I was wrong."

While Judith had surely gotten their emotions more than right, there was something she was more than just wrong about. Gay? Her? A lesbian? Sure, Maura and her had often used that sexual label to get rid of unwanted male attention; and yes, in the case of Giovanni they even had pretended to be in an actual relationship but that was all fun and games. "Uhm, Judith. I am not a lesbian. I have no idea why you would think that but I can assure you that I am about as straight as an arrow. I used to be engaged and all." Focus on used to, though; thinking about Casey and everything the situation with him had entailed was too painful because of how fucked up it had turned out. There really wasn't even a parallel universe in which she could and would ever have married him (she finally knew that now) but thinking about the baby she lost – that was a tough nut she still hadn't cracked completely. "Why would you think that, anyways?"

Judith seemed to look at her closely, then chuckled quietly into her half-empty bottle: "Okay, well, then I got it wrong. Sorry, Jane. Have you ever heard of the term 'gaydar'?" When Jane shook her head no, she grinned and elaborated on the fascinating topic of instinctively recognizing fellow lady lovers.

"Basically, my gaydar went off when I first met you earlier. The way you dress, speak, behave and now this situation with Dr. Isles – it was just signals I thought I had picked up on. In any case, I hope you don't see my thinking you might be gay as an insult. Because then I'd feel pretty insulted myself. So let's start again then: I'm sorry you and Maura don't talk to each other. I assume you must have been pretty close friends to be so angry at each other now."

Now it was Jane's turn to examine her new partner. Did that mean Judith was gay? She would never have guessed but then again, according to Maura she spent her life being oblivious to what other people thought and felt. "No, no. Of course not. It's not an insult at all; it's just not true in my case. I simply dress, speak and behave the way I do because that's who I am. It's the Jane way."

She managed to smile at Judith and went on: "Anyway, yes. We have been best friends ever since we met on the job. Maura is brilliant and hilarious and we had so little in common, we just had to become friends. If that makes sense at all." To her it made sense, at least. Maura was the brains where she was the brawn; she often thought where Jane would have just acted. Maura had taught her many adorably dorky and yet interesting things in all kinds of (professional) situations; and in turn, Jane had taught Maura a lot about life, about the all the little practical things one needed to know, and even about the love a family could share. They had been so good together… and now this was all supposedly gone.

"I know what you mean; it's like two very different halves that, though being perfectly good and complete on their own, still seem to make up an even better whole. It sounds totally cheesy but can actually be true both for romantic relationships and friendships", Judith agreed and seemed to look sadly at her burger for a moment "I had that, too. But I lost it and now I get to have dinner in a new city, with a new partner from a new police department."

"I'm sorry to hear that. Maybe a new beginning will be good, though; Boston is not the worst place to do that. The weird thing is, I know Maura better than anybody else. Inside and out. And yet I still don't really know why she suddenly decided we could no longer be friends. When you were in the bathroom, I apologized to her for jumping off that bridge, leaving her behind. She said she appreciated my apology but that we still couldn't be friends any more… so there has to be more to it than just the jump. I really don't get it", Jane blurted out.

"Hold up, you jumped off a bridge? Why the hell would you do that?", Judith stared at her new colleague in disbelief.

"Well, yes. But I was just doing my job. A guy was being framed for murder; he wanted to kill himself; I talked him out of it but he fell… so I didn't think even for a second and jumped after him. Maura was with me on the bridge, you know. I totally understand how horrible it must have been for Maura to see me jump not knowing whether I'd die or not but I can't just not do my job. It's what I have to do, and it's also who I am", Jane took a bite of her burger and struggled to even chew and swallow it. Since when was she Ms. Tear-up-all-the-time? Since Maura, that's when.

"I have been on your side of the story, Jane. I know you did what you had to do and I probably would have done the same but I also know how hard it is to be on the other end of this. My mother was a cop and she got shot on the job – over a goddamn speeding ticket. She was in a coma for almost a week before she passed away. I was so scared for her, I thought I'd lose my mind. I'm not a religious person but I prayed for her; I cried for her; I didn't sleep, didn't eat, didn't wanna give up but slowly had to. There was a time I was so angry at her for dying on me I wanted to punch holes in the hospital walls – I hated her for doing her job, even though it's just as much my own job. If Maura loves you like you obviously love her – never mind if romantically or not – then she must have been scared out of her mind for you; but you have figured out as much. I guess what I have been trying to say with my monologue is: it's normal for her to be angry and I can guarantee you, you'd feel the same way if the situation were vice versa. Especially if it's not the first and only time you have – or will – put your life on the line; and that's to be expected, given how that is a part of our job description. Now, I don't know Dr. Isles yet but based on my experience I can only give you one advice: Give her time, be patient. If there is more to it than fear and anger, she'll come around and talk to you about it. From what you described, your friendship is a truly special one, and she will not just give that up. I'm sorry I can't be of more help." Judith sipped on her beer and seemed to blush lightly: "God, we don't even know each other. I usually don't open up to people easily at all. Sorry if I bothered you with the summary of my life I just forced on you."

Jane smiled and raised her bottle: "Here's to ranting to semi-strangers and nice new detectives! I don't usually open up to anybody but… Maura, you know. So I'm both surprised by myself and appreciate what you just told me. I mean, really, thank you. I'm very sorry to hear that you lost your mother like that. I don't know what I'd do if I ever lost mine. Or what I will do when that day comes, for that matter. I think you are a very strong woman and most probably also a fine detective. Your advice sounds logical but I know I will have one huge problem trying to follow it: If there's one thing on this planet that I'm not, it's being patient. So how the hell will I manage to stay away from Maura so she can figure out whatever else is bothering her?"


	5. Chapter 5

_Author's note: _

_First of all, I'm sorry this update took me quite a while longer than the previous ones. Don't you just hate it when real life gets in the way of your outlet for all the 'rizzling' fandom inside you? I certainly do. _

_Anyways, I decided to include an author's note in today's chapter because I wanted to thank you all for your kind reviews full of (mostly) nice words and constructive criticism. Please know that they are always read carefully and taken into consideration during my writing process. There was one review, however, that was neither constructive nor nice (in terms of how the criticism is brought across, not in terms of 'praise – I really like criticism but not like that…); that's why I couldn't let that one stand without a direct comment. _

_Let me quote the review, posted by a Guest on February 23rd: "This is so dumb. How can you can call yourself a Rizzles fan. If Jane really loved Maura she would not be flirting with stupid Judith. Of course Maura reacted badly to Jane being reckless. Jane is all Maura has . Jane has a lot if family and friends. Meanwhile Maura has nobody. I am so sick of everyone writing Maura so lonely and pathetic. If Jane hooks up with Judith I am so out."_

_And my comment would be the following: I can call myself a Rizzles fan because I am indeed a huge Rizzles fan. I know all the episodes inside and out, I spend a lot of time obsessing over the show and its two lovely main characters, I obsess over them with fellow Rizzles fans; hell, I even frequently dream about Rizzles at night (get your minds out of the gutter, people!). If I tell you that I have a plan for my fanfiction, an actual plotline and that the things I write happen for a reason within that story that is currently finding its way from my little brain onto (digital) paper – then you're just gonna have to trust me a little bit. It's not dumb, it's creativity. It's writing, it's the choices I make. Now, I'm a big believer in reader response theory: every reader takes the story a writer offers and makes something of it by themselves and for themselves. But in my opinion that still doesn't mean that anyone should leave a review saying "That's dumb" instead of providing any actual constructive criticism. Everybody has the right to say "I don't like this" or even "This storyline feels stupid to me" but one reader's feelings/perceptions are not a universal truth. If my fanfiction is stupid to you, dear Guest, even though you have only the beginning of it as the basis for your judgment, then I am very sorry to hear so – but it can be. It's what you make of it. I guess my final recommendation or rather appeal is: try to be more constructive in your criticism. Tell me why it's dumb (to you, not in general). And maybe choose your words a bit more carefully instead of being borderline offensive (e.g. dumb and also calling a character of my own invention simply "stupid"). And for what it's worth: while I as an author will not comment on how a certain passage was meant to be understood (again, I'm referring back to the reader response approach to literature), I became curious and asked a few of my readers: Nobody else has understood Jane's and Judith's conversation as flirting, and nobody else seems to be seeing Maura as a lonely and pathetic character._

_For everybody else, who may or may not still be interested in today's chapter, here goes. Thank you for reading my author's note._

_PS: And, Guest, if you're out then I can only congratulate you. I have been out for 11 years now and I love my partner very, very much…_

For the rest of the dinner (as far as one beer and one third of a soy burger could be considered one), Jane found herself engaged in a surprisingly pleasant conversation with her new colleague. Even though Maura was still the obvious elephant in the room, they managed to avoid any further discussion of coping with the (potential) loss of a loved one and swam in the shallow waters of small talk instead. As it turned out, the two women had more in common than just being female officers in what could only be called a man's world (both the micro world of BPD and the macro world at large): Judith was a fellow Red Sox fan, she knew the struggle that was growing up with two younger siblings (albeit sisters), and she turned out to be an even bigger coffee addict than herself (if such an unthinkable thing was even possible).

When the check was paid and their jackets put on, Jane couldn't help but return to the more serious part of their dinner conversation: "Thanks again, Judith. Talking to you put things a little bit more into perspective and I'm really glad you were here to cheer me up after Maura stormed out. As I said before, patience is not my strongest suit but I will work on it. Speaking of which, I have no idea how Maura and I are supposed to act around each other at work now."

"Anytime, Jane. I'm happy to know I could make you feel better – even if it was just slightly. I believe that Dr. Isles and you are grown-up women, and, from the little I have already been able to observe, very professional workers. I'm sure you'll figure it out. She knows as well as you do that you guys need to work together in order to solve the crimes you're supposed to. I assume that… you know, if you are professional around her, she will be the same way. Just wait and see", Judith patted Jane on the shoulder before heading towards the door.

"I'll be a paragon of professionalism if that is what it takes. I gotta get home now and walk my poor little dog. She must be out of her mind because I left her alone for so long. Thanks again for tonight", Jane said as they slowly walked to their cars.

"You have a dog? I'm one of these rare types that like both cats and dogs. I brought two lovely felines with me to Boston but I miss being around dogs. I would like to meet yours someday!" Judith smiled at her colleague and got into her car, "see you in the morning."

When Jane finally got home, she walked Jo Friday and waited patiently for her dog to do her business, replaying the evening's events in her head. When Maura had first walked into the Dirty Robber, she had cursed the moment in which she'd decided to invite Judith to dinner but in hindsight, the evening had even gone comparatively well. Maura had at least accepted her apology; she had realized that Jane had done some careful thinking. True, they were still not friends again and Maura had actually asked her to respect her decision once and for all; but instead of worsening her desperation, it had given her hope. It wasn't that she assumed she knew Maura's feelings better than she did herself; it was just that she had felt something. Something she didn't understand, something that had never been there before. And maybe if she figured out what that was, she could make a new step towards her former best friend. In any case, she attributed another great part of her newfound hope to Judith's presence at the restaurant. She had calmed her down, had told her that neither she nor Maura had gone crazy, that quite possibly everything would get sorted out eventually. Most importantly, Judith had helped her to put herself into Maura's shoes, to really feel what Maura must have felt when she acted like Detective Rizzoli rather than "just" Jane on that damn bridge.

For the first night in almost a month, Jane managed to go to bed early (okay, early-ish) and sleep through the night. The business of figuring out Maura had been a nerve wrecking and very tiring one, and it was still work in progress. When her phone rang, Jane had no idea what time it was, nor what day of the week.

"Hullo?" She mumbled into the phone, "Sup?" She managed to open her eyes enough to look at her alarm clock. Shit, it was 7.00 am already.

"Good morning, Detective McSleepy. Johnson's wife has just arrived and is ready to be interviewed. I assume you want me to wait for you?" Korsak laughed and seemed to be way too lively for this ungodly hour.

"Yes. Give me 20 minutes, I'll be right there", Jane managed to haul herself out of her horribly comfortable bed and started to look for the next best thing to wear, "and Vince, I'm Italian. It's Detective Sleepoli to you." The only thing worse than happy people in the morning was when they managed to infect you with their good mood.

By telling Vince to wait for her for 20 minutes, she had given herself a margin of about 5 minutes to stop by Boston Joe's and get herself a much needed bathtub full of coffee. When she finally arrived at BPD, she bumped into Judith on her way to the interrogation room.

"Morning, Jane. How was your dog?" Great, another morning person. How did everyone but her manage to be so awake so early?

"She was as crazy as was to be expected; but I really wouldn't know what do to with myself without her company", Jane managed a smile, "do you wanna sit in?"

"Nah, thanks. I'll be watching, though." Judith pointed towards the other door: the one whose inside was hidden behind the one-way mirror.

Jane nodded and walked into the interrogation room. Sleepy, grumpy Jane off. Professional detective on. Showtime: "Good morning, Mrs. Johnson. Thank you for coming in. Have you been informed why you are here?"

The woman, a tall blonde in her thirties, looking way too perfectly dressed-up for neither the time of day nor the occasion that had brought her here from Washington D.C., nodded slowly and stared at her flawlessly manicured hands: "Yes. They told me on the phone that something happened to Greg. Is he okay? Or is he…"

"I'm very sorry to have to tell you that your husband died yesterday, Mrs. Johnson. We are truly sorry for your loss." Vince told the now obviously upset widow, "Can you think of anyone how could have wanted to harm Greg?"

Celia Johnson rummaged through her purse until she found tissues to more or less discretely wipe her tears off with ('God forbid her make-up should get ruined', Jane couldn't help but thinking) and took a moment to reply: "What do you mean? Are you saying that my husband was murdered? How did he die?"

"At this point it is safe to say that yes, your husband was indeed murdered. He was pushed off either the roof of your company's building or out of one of its windows. We are still working on that. So, is there anyone you would consider an enemy of Greg's?" Jane explained tactfully but decidedly.

Mrs. Johnson looked honestly horrified at the thought of how her husband had died and seemed to be carefully considering their question: "My husband is – was – the CEO of a very successful company, and you don't get to the top without stepping on some other people's toes. There were some competitors that lost quite a lot of money thanks to Shield but mostly, the company's success is due to years of hard work and protecting the right people. The only serious issue that I can think of right now actually happened just a few weeks ago. A local celebrity hired Shield's services because he was being bothered by a stalker. When said stalker finally broke into the celebrity's house while he was out of town, his manager stormed into Greg's office and blamed him personally. He told him he would hold him responsible for his 'piss poor work' and that he would regret to ever have accepted this job only to mess it up."

Jane frowned and wrote a few key words into her little black notebook: "I'm not sure I understand. Why would the manager be so angry if nothing happened to his client? Was anything stolen?"

"Not that I know of. They blamed Shield for installing a faulty alarm system – which was simply not the case. I honestly don't know why the situation escalated like this, and neither did Greg", Celia explained and wiped her eyes again.

"This is very helpful, thank you. We are sorry to have to ask but it's part of our routine procedure: You were at a fundraiser in Washington D.C. yesterday, correct? Can you point us towards somebody who can confirm this?" Vince checked for the widow's alibi.

"I understand, detective. And yes, I left for D.C. on Friday morning and was not due back until Monday. Apart from the 250 people at the event itself, I can refer you to my personal assistant, Maria. She was with me the entire time", Mrs. Johnson explained and wrote the woman's contact information down for the two detectives.

"Thank you. This is all for now. Again, we are very sorry for your loss. If you think of anything else that might be relevant to our investigation please don't hesitate to call me. Anytime, day or night", Jane said and handed her one of her calling cards.

After the interview was finished, Jane was already half on her way downstairs to discuss her impression of the grieving widow with Maura when she realized that she was not supposed to do that anymore. Jane sighed and stood in the hallway, visibly torn. What was it that Judith had said about professionalism? Maura had surely finished her autopsy by now and Jane wanted, needed to know what the final results were. It was about work and it was necessary, so yes, she would have to go look for Maura. Strictly professional business.

When Jane stepped out of the elevator, she froze in motion in front of Maura's office. The door was slightly ajar and Jane could see two people inside: Judith and Maura. Had Judith beaten her to Maura's office to get the results? As the two women's voices reached her ears, she momentarily forgot about all her supposed professionalism. The topic was too interesting not to eavesdrop.


	6. Chapter 6

They were clearly talking about her, even though Jane still couldn't figure out what they were saying exactly. Without a sound, she leaned against the wall and pretended to look at something on her phone, trying to look as casual and non-eavesdropping as possible. For a second, she felt a sting of disappointment that Judith would basically walk straight to Maura after the refreshing conversation they had had over dinner. Then, she actually managed to get the gist of what was being said.

"Again, I really appreciate you coming down here for the results of the autopsy, detective Lewis. I wasn't sure I could have managed Jane showing up today", Maura said and sounded rather sad, "our situation must seem really weird to you, huh?" Jane was dying to peek into the office to see Maura's face but didn't dare to even make the tiniest movement.

"No problem, Dr. Isles. And no, it's not weird at all. Jane told me what happened on that bridge and, even though I only know her side of the story, I think I understand where you're coming from. So don't worry", Judith replied and Jane wasn't sure whether she was trying to help her case or Maura's.

"Please, call me Maura! And thank you, it's really good to hear that at least someone understands why I had to do what I did. Jane's mother tries to convince me of talking to her daughter at least once a day and most of your new colleagues either avoid me or look at me like I have some sort of mental condition, which I can assure you I do not. It's quite frustrating to work these days and I do not enjoy being here. You must know that the love for my profession usually motivates me more than anything else but I am unable to feel this at the moment. Anyways, you came down here for work and I bother you with my personal issues. Please forgive me." Jane almost teared up listening to Maura's words. Suddenly, she felt guilty for the first time. For the past month, her focus had been on her own suffering because Maura had cut her out of her life without any reason; now she realized that Maura had been suffering, too, and that she indeed had her own reasons, albeit unkown ones. Being a medical examiner was the most important thing in her life and Jane had somehow managed to take that away from her.

"It's okay, Maura. I'm definitely here for you, even though we don't know each other very well yet. I can tell you that I have been in your situation. Somebody I loved chose to do a dangerous job, and this person actually died doing said job; so, yes I can relate to the way you feel about Jane at the moment. Your best friend jumped off a bridge and left you behind, willing to die on duty. Nobody should judge you for the way you feel", Judith explained, "and by the way, I'm Judith."

"You're right, Judith. I really do love Jane, probably more than my own family. What am I even saying, she and her family were more like family to me than my own ever has been. I honestly didn't know how much I loved her until the bridge incident and that is exactly why I can't be her friend anymore. I will have to figure out a way to work with her, I know that. I'm thankful you can mediate between us until then", Maura said and caused a confusion within Jane unlike any she had ever known. What she said didn't even make sense!

Before Judith could (hopefully) unscramble Maura's mind-boggling statements by asking why exactly a higher amount of love did not equal a closer degree of friendship but instead its sudden end, Senior Criminalist Susie Chang once again proved her perfect timing: "Hallo, Detective Rizzoli. Can I help you with anything? Dr. Isles is actually in her office if you wish to speak with her. I think your nice, new partner is in there with her."

As Jane was still grimacing because Susie had spoken loudly enough to wake the dead in the autopsy room, the office door was opened and Jane stared right into Maura's hazel eyes.

"Uh hi. Uh, hallo. I just finished my interrogation and was, uh, looking for Judith. There you are, Judith. Hi Judith! Hallo." Jane seemed to speak faster than words could physically come out of her mouth, all the while shooting Susie serious death glares. The conversation might have gotten interesting and now Susie had pretty much outed her as a nosy eavesdropper.

"Ah, Jane. Yes. Did Nina send you after me? I have the autopsy results right here; let's go. I'm dying to hear about the interview", Judith quickly replied and covered for Jane. Of course Nina had not sent anyone after anyone else and Judith had actually watched the interview (or at least most of it), but Jane could not be more thankful.

With a short but visibly awkward nod towards Maura, avoiding eye contact at all cost, and something that sounded a lot like a snarl towards Susie, Jane turned on her heels and hit the elevator button about 10 times before its door finally opened.

"Thanks, Judith. I had just come down to get the autopsy results but then I got cold feet and didn't dare to actually talk to Maura. And then Susie showed up and… I realize that it must have looked like I was listening to you guys. I di—", Jane started explaining.

"Don't worry. And even if you were: that's human. I probably would have done the same. Let's speak hypothetically: if you heard what Maura and I were talking about then I would really hope you didn't feel like I was betraying your trust. I, both hypothetically and actually, went down to her office to get some new input on the case when you were still wrapping up your interview. I simply thought you might prefer not having to do that and that both of you might need some more time before the much-discussed professionalism can kick in. Hypothetically, Maura talked about you because I was witness to last night's events and she felt the need to explain herself. Hypothetically, I did not take sides and expressed my understanding of both parties, just like I did with you last night. So, hypothetically, I'd hope you have no problem with that", Judith half smiled, half winked at Jane and nodded encouragingly.

"Of course I have no problem with that", Jane blurted out, "I mean, hypothetically. I'd be glad to know that Maura has someone to talk to about everything. Someone who is, you know, not my mother – who by the way is living in Maura's guest house – or other people who are way too close to both of us. I only have one strictly hypothetical question though: why can one not be friends with someone one loves?"

Judith laughed as she lead the way to the squad room: "That's a brainteaser, huh? As you may or may not have heard, I didn't get the chance to ask her about it any further. But from the top of my head? Two things should, hypothetically, be paid attention to here. Number one: she used present tense; number two: there are different kinds of love, Jane."

And with that mysterious comment, Judith pinned the latest autopsy photos to the whiteboard. Frankie and Korsak turned away from their computer screens and respective work and waited for whatever brilliant new detail Maura had discovered during her autopsy. Jane sighed and slowly sat in her chair. What the hell was Judith even talking about? Different kinds of love? Well, of course. There was the love she felt for Ma and her brothers; there was the love she had once felt for Casey (or at least she had thought so at the time); and then there was her love for Maura. The love you could only feel for your best friend. Your soulmate. The one person who truly knew you and around whom you could be 100 % the person you were – for better and for worse. So how could Maura's love for her best friend have changed and yet still be there? Suddenly, Jane felt like nothing made sense anymore and all she wanted to do was curl up on her couch with Jo Friday and watch trash TV for the next 48 hours. There was a victim though; a victim that deserved justice. So Jane turned around in her chair and nodded towards Judith.

Judith was visibly excited to take the lead for the first time and cleared her throat: "Maura gave me her preliminary results and we might be searching for a mistress: She found trace amounts of semen on the victim's underwear. Fresh semen, that is. She estimated that he must have been engaged in some sort of sexual activity within the hour of his death and didn't clean up all too well after himself. Now, he might have done that by himself but Maura suggested that she would probably have found more than just traces of semen on his briefs. Neither alone-time nor any kind of sexual intercourse explains why he was at his office, of course. But it's a start."

"Maura guessed something?" Yes, that was the first thought that occurred to Jane, never mind all that professionalism.

To her surprise, Judith laughed knowingly and shook her head: "Maura told me she never guesses; instead she provided me with some insight into the male psyche by explaining that it's statistically highly unlikely that Mr. Johnson – or any man for that matter – would cleanly remove his pants and underwear just to quickly pleasure himself. Then she gave me some slightly disturbing numbers about the amount of semen that is produced on average per ejaculation and concluded that there would most likely have been more of the stuff in, on and around his underpants. All DNA results won't be in until maybe tonight or definitely tomorrow morning but for now we should operate under the assumption, that it's Johnson's semen. So the question is: With his wife away in Washington D.C., who was he sleeping with?"

Jane sighed audibly, then couldn't help but grin and gave her new colleague a thumbs-up. Her second day and she had managed an entire monologue about male masturbation in front of Frankie and Korsak, whose favorite punchline often seemed to be 'don't sue me for sexual harassment!' The mistress angle was very interesting and they would start tracking her down right away. She was relatively sure that this mystery woman, however, would be less of an enigma than what Maura had said during the conversation in her office. There were brainteasers and then there was Dr. Maura Isles.


	7. Chapter 7

_Author's note: _

_I'm so sorry for disappearing on you, my readers, for most of the year. 2015 has been pretty much crazy and I couldn't write at all. Now I'm back and alongside me, my motivation. I hereby promise I will update regularly from now on again, as I have a story to tell. A story I want to finish it (don't worry, there is still a lot of chapters left). I am very thankful for every reader, who hopefully likes my little story and I enjoy your reviews: they are always most welcome._

_So let's go back to the hiatus in the last season and to when Jane jumped off the bridge…_

Jane sat down at her desk, only to get right back up and walk over to Nina's and ask for the victim's phone records. Nina informed her that they had received them only minutes ago and that she was still looking through the dozens of incoming and outgoing calls the busy CEO had received and made every day.

"I still haven't actually identified any of the numbers yet, except for his wife's of course. But what I can already show you is that there is one number that stands out." Nina brought up a cell phone number on the big screen. "There's incoming and outgoing calls alike, at least one every day, often more, and the duration of these calls varies from one minute to up to 30 minutes. Without knowing who this number belongs to, I would guess it's someone that the victim was close to."

Jane stared at the number and connected the possible dots in her head: Maura had determined that Johnson had had sexual intercourse right before he died and now there was this mysterious number. "Run it right now, Nina. I bet it's his mistress' number."

While Nina typed the number into that magical search engine of hers, Judith joined the two women and nodded towards the screen: "Are we getting closer to the receiving end of Johnon's sexual… prowess, or what?" She couldn't help but laugh about her own way of referring to the sperm they found on the victim's underwear.

"Ew, Lewis, ew. You're being way too graphic. Please, Nina, tell us you got something", Jane grinned weakly and rolled her eyes, pretending to be disgusted.

"No, sorry, Detective Rizzoli. The number belongs to an unregistered burner phone that could have been bought by anyone anywhere. There is no way to know whose number this is." Nina looked at the two detectives apologetically.

"Well", Judith said, "there's only one way to find out. We should call the number. What do you think, Rizzoli?"

It was direct, it was creative – it was a good idea. Jane grabbed her phone, quickly typed in the number and put it on speaker. With every ring, the three women became more hopeless, before, at last, someone answered the call: "Yes?"

Shocked from hearing a clearly male voice, Jane almost forgot to react and barely managed to hide her surprise: "Yes, sorry. Who is this?"

"You called me. Who are you?" The stranger answered impatiently.

"I'm Angela and I found a wallet with your telephone number in it. There was no ID, only cash and your number so I assumed I'd call and see if it's yours, Mr. …?" Jane improvised and shrugged at Judith, who gave her a thumbs up.

"Oh", the man mumbled and took a moment to reply, "My name is Michael Rhay. It's not mine but there is only one person who has this phone number. So I guess it must be his wallet. I can pick it up and return it to him, if you want me to. Greg will be happy to get it back."

Jane looked at her colleagues in disbelief. Michael Rhay, as in **the **Michael Rhay, actor and supposed dream of all girls and women between the ages of 20 and 35? What the hell was the connection between him and "Greg"?

"That's very nice of you, Michael. Maybe you could give me his number and I call this Greg directly? After all, it's his wallet and I would feel better returning it to him directly. No offense." Jane tried to find out whether Rhay knew anything about the victim's death.

"Yeah, of course. He hasn't answered his phone since yesterday, though. To be honest, I have no idea where he is, that's why I suggested taking the wallet until he gets back." Rhay continued to give Jane a cell phone number that she identified as Johnson's. The man on the other end of the call seemed honest, at least so far.

"Thank you, Michael. I will try to get in touch with him and call you again if I fail to meet up with him. Bye." Jane hung up quickly.

"Well, that was weird", Judith said, "Was that really the actor? From that zombie TV show? Why would our victim be close to this guy?"

Jane shrugged and looked at Nina for confirmation: "What do you think? It might be possible it really was him; I mean, he sounded nice and honest, and like he had no idea why he hasn't been able to reach Johnson. The only thing I can think of right now to connect the two men would be Shield working for Rhay, providing him with personal security. Nina, do you have access to the company's files yet?" Celia Johnson, who had taken over her husband's position, had promised them full cooperation and thus granted them access to anything they needed.

"Yes, Detective Rizzoli and I am searching their data base for Michael Rhay as we are speaking. In any case, how would a professional relationship explain the numerous calls between them every day? Isn't that a bit much even for personal security?" Nina said as her fingers seemed to fly over her keyboard.

"Besides", Judith added, "Johnson was the CEO of his company. He wouldn't even be responsible for one client in detail like that. So something is definitely weird here."

Jane shrugged and stared at the screen, on which Nina was working her usual magic. "Okay, we can at least establish a connection between Michael Rhay and Shield. They installed an alarm system at his house a while back and have also been providing him with a body guard. In the file, it says that Mr. Rhay had problems with an unknown stalker and needed protection 24/7 because he was afraid the stalker would try to hurt him", Nina explained.

"That sounds a lot like the case that Mrs. Johnson mentioned earlier, right? Local celebrity, stalker, security system? Maybe it's time we go talk to Mr. Rhay officially." Jane said and looked for Vince in order to bring him up to speed.

On their way to what could only be described as Rhay's mansion, Jane, having voluntarily retreated to the passenger seat, stared out of the window and tried to focus on the case instead of brooding over Maura again. Just as she was about to give up on this impossible task, it was her new partner who saved her professional integrity, or at least the fraction of it she had still left after a month of mauralessness: "Tell me what you're thinking about. What's the connection between our vic and Michael Rhay? Why would they call each other every day, sometimes several times a day? I seriously doubt it was about Shield. How much security can a guy need?"

Jane nodded and directed her gaze towards Judith, who was driving and simultaneously looking at the GPS for directions: "I'm pretty sure you're right about that. Now, I have no idea what the nature of their relationship may have been; hopefully, Mr. Rhay will shed light on this matter. I'm thinking, maybe they were best friends, you know. Met on the job, realized they hit it off, grew close, became best bros."

"So, what you're saying is, he will hopefully shed a… ray of light on their relationship", Judith giggled as she pulled up in front of Rhay's front gate and identified herself upon ringing the bell. Even Jane couldn't help but grin at her colleague's sad attempt of a pun. After holding their badges into a small camera for what seemed like minutes, a very surprised Michael Rhay buzzed them in and told them they could park further up the driveway.

"Okay, let's assume that your theory is right, Rizzoli, and these two grown-up men were best friends. Is it really normal, or rather, realistic that they would call each other constantly, sometimes for just a minute, sometimes for a seemingly endless conversation? Every day?" Lewis wondered, apparently oblivious to the blatant parallels.

Maura's face flashed before Jane's eyes and for moment, all the sadness she had been fighting so hard to get over was back. To hell with professionalism and patience! She wanted nothing more than getting her friendship back; a friendship as close as what seemed to have connected a CEO and a zombie fighting actor. She shrugged, masking her passionate opinion on the matter: "I believe it's entirely possible. Friends can become very close and multiple calls may be absolutely normal for them; a way of checking-in when they couldn't see each other in person, for example. The only thing that strikes me as odd, though, is that Johnson's wife didn't mention Rhay at all – at least not with reference to a friendship. You'd expect she'd know him if he was such a close friend of her husband. My family, for example, knows my best friend and would never fail to mention her."

"You're right. Let's ask Mr. Rhay. Maybe he can enlighten us, after all", Judith laughed again at her own pun as the two women got out of the car and walked towards the front door, where he was already waiting for them.

After leading them into a luxuriously decorated living room and offering them a white couch to sit on, Michael Rhay placed himself on an equally white armchair across from them and made no effort of hiding his confusion about their sudden visit.

Before private Jane could ask herself what kind of person could possibly live with a white couch and not ever get ketchup on it, professional Rizzoli took over, and she cleared her throat. "Mr. Rhay, thank you for seeing us. We are here because of your connection to one of our cases. We have been informed that you knew a man named Gregory Johnson. Is that correct?" Rizzoli explained, deliberately vague and without mentioning their earlier call to Rhay's burner phone.

It didn't take a lot of detective work to see all color disappear from Rhay's face as he struggled to answer even this apparently simple question: "Uh, yes. Yes, I knew Greg. Of course. What happened to him? Is he alright? Please, tell me. Nothing happened to him, right?"

"I'm very sorry to inform you that Mr. Johnson was murdered on Saturday", Judith informed him to which he responded by tearing up, "Could you please explain the nature of your relationship with him? It seems you are very upset."

Jane subconsciously leaned forward to study every emotion on Rhay's face. You'd expect an actor to be better at hiding their feelings, but he wasn't even trying. Did that mean that his grief was real? Were they really best friends? She was very keen to hear his explanation, considering he couldn't know that they knew about the burner phone and its countless calls. He could only assume that they had found about the trouble with Shield and the supposedly faulty alarm system.

By now, Rhay was crying and unable to answer for a couple of minutes. Judith handed him a tissue and lightly squeezed his hand. Finally, he looked up and rather whispered than said: "The nature of our relationship? Can I trust that what I am about to tell you will not hit the evening news today?" Judith squeezed his hand again and Jane promised him as much discretion as possible.

"Well, then let me be honest at least once in my life, now that it is too late anyways. Greg and I were in love. We were together and I have never loved anyone as much as I loved this goddamn man. And now he is gone forever and I have never been more alone", Rhay moaned and buried his face, contorted with pain, in his tembling hands.


	8. Chapter 8

Rizzoli stared at Rhay in disbelief and was suddenly at a loss of words: the media and his show's success had turned Rhay into one of the biggest heart-throbs in Hollywood and millions of women swooned whenever an episode of his show aired on national television. And now he was telling them he was gay and in a relationship with a formerly alive, very successful and heterosexually married business man? She caught Judith's eye, who merely shrugged and took the lead again: "I can imagine how liberating it must be for a man of your position and with your image to be able to say these words out loud. I'm truly sorry for your loss; it's very hard to lose the person you love the most in the world, especially when it's so violently and unexpectedly. In any case, you must forgive us, but there are certain questions we need to ask you now. Are you up for them?"

"Yes, detective, of course. I would do anything to make sure the person responsible for Greg's death is caught as soon as possible. What kind of monster would commit such a horrid crime? Greg was an amazing human being who couldn't have done anything to deserve any of this", Rhay blew his nose and seemed to fight to pull himself together enough for the detectives' questions.

Rizzoli, impressed with Lewis' tactful and gentle way of questioning, tried her best to follow her colleague's lead, handed Rhay another tissue and leaned in even closer: "How long have you been seeing Mr. Johnson? Were you aware that he was, in fact, married to a woman? How was your relationship going lately, any fights or reasons to break up? And the last question we always have to ask routinely: Can you please tell us where you were on Saturday afternoon?" Well, at least she had tried her best to be as gentle as Lewis, albeit less successfully.

"We have been together for almost a year now; we met when I hired Shield to protect me from a rather crazy stalker who wouldn't leave me alone and even tried to break into my home. Given my profession and status as public figure, Greg himself met with me and my manager and we just… clicked. I ended up calling him for dubious and ultimately completely work-unrelated reasons and we finally met and got together pretty quickly. I didn't believe in love at first sight at all, but with Greg, everything fell into place. Believe me, I wanted nothing more than to see him divorce Celia and marry me instead but I knew this was completely out of question. I earn my money by appealing to women, by being the kind of guy they could marry if only they got a little bit lucky; not by being a homosexual in a committed relationship. So instead, I bought a second phone to communicate with Greg and kept my love for him hidden from absolutely everyone. Besides, even in 2015, I don't think Greg could have come out without his business taking a hit either. It's sad to have to hide who you truly are, don't you think?"

Suddenly, Rizzoli felt a rush of compassion for Rhay and resisted the urge to get up and very unrizzoli-like give him a hug. The man sitting across from her seemed to be in real pain, grieving the love of his life, and didn't strike her as a potential suspect at all. Still, some questions remained unanswered: "It sounds like an extremely painful way to live one's life, yes. I am very sorry you and Mr. Johnson had to go through so much sorrow. I'm sorry to keep asking you but… did Mrs. Johnson know about your relationship? And please, can you confirm your whereabouts on Saturday?"

"Celia? Yes, of course she knew. She was very happy for us and very supportive of our relationship. Based on what Greg has told me, they haven't been anything more than good friends for years. When he realized he was gay, a few years before he met me, he told her and surprisingly, they decided to continue their marriage for the sake of the company. As far as I know, Celia had a boyfriend, too. It was an arrangement that worked well for all four of us, you know? And on Saturday, I got in from Los Angeles around noon. I hadn't seen Greg in almost 3 weeks due to filming and I called him from the airport. He told me he was pretty much tied up at work catching up on paperwork so I decided to surprise him and took a taxi to his office building. I was with him for about two hours before he told me he really, urgently had to finish his work and that he would come by my house to spend the rest of the weekend together later. I called another taxi and went home." Again, Rhay buried his face in his hands and shook his head in desperation. "I just left him there, no having the slightest clue that it was the last time I would ever see him. If I had stayed, he might still be alive. How can I possibly forgive myself for that?"

This time, it was Rizzoli who touched his arm and squeezed it gently: "Mr. Rhay, please look at me. What happened isn't your fault, okay? There is no way in which you could have known what was going to happen to your partner and there is no way you could have prevented it, either. You're not responsible for his death; only the killer is. Please, remember this even in the darkest hours. You're not responsible."

Before the two detectives could wrap up what seemed to be one of the most painful interviews Jane had ever conducted (even though she suspected that she always thought so after a particularly dramatic relative notification), they confirmed that Rhay had indeed been intimate with his partner at the latter's office and collected a routine DNA sample should any of the trace evidence found on Johnson belong to him. One call to the taxi company would confirm what Rizzoli was already almost certain about: Rhay was not his partner's murderer, he was on a taxi ride home when Johnson's life found its premature end. Upon leaving, they both handed them their cards and told him to call them if he thought of anything else or even if he ever needed to talk about anything at all.

As they drove down Rhay's driveway and out the gate, Rizzoli watched his diminishing figure in the rear-view mirror, firmly holding on to the door frame to not fall down. "Poor guy", she mumbled to herself rather than to her colleague as she went back to numbly staring out the passenger seat window.

"Yeah, their story is a very tragic one, even without the murder at its end. Having to hide your love, beautifully pure and unique as it is, and being locked into the figurative closet, one without so much as windows, is quite literally suffocating. I could never imagine having to stay in it for all my life; I would choke", Judith elaborated while steadily driving them back into Boston.

Again, Jane wondered whether this was her colleague's subtle way of coming out herself or whether she was merely reflecting on someone else's tragedy. Still, she seemed to know what she was speaking about. Jane, suddenly uncomfortable without any apparent reason, cleared her throat and avoided looking directly at Judith: "There is something I don't understand, you know. How does a man in his forties, ten years into his marriage, suddenly realize 'Whoops, I am gay!' Wouldn't this be something you figure out during puberty? I'd expect anyone to be settled firmly into his or her sexuality by their forties. How can such a huge epiphany suddenly surprise you after you have already been dating for, I don't know, more than 20 years? Does it mean he never even loved his wife? It's very confusing to me, I'm sorry."

Judith took her eyes off the street for a moment and smiled warmly at Jane: "That's okay. Luckily, I believe I can help you clear up your confusion, at least to a certain degree. The answer to most of your questions, I think, is the same: It's different for every individual. There are people – I have met quite a few of them – who have known since earliest childhood that they were in some way different from the other children around them and by puberty, have worked it out by and for themselves. This so-called first step of coming out – the coming to terms with it for and within yourself – can take a long time and be very painful, and these people sort of grow into it. That doesn't, however, reduce the pain that can be caused by the second step of coming out, namely, coming out to the people around them. Just because an individual grew up knowing that they were different and eventually could put their finger on this difference lying in their sexuality doesn't mean that their family and friends realized it, too. A coming out, at any age really, can possibly go very well and end in complete acceptance by others, or it could also go very badly and end up in a lot of sorrow or in remaining closeted, like Rhay. Now, we don't know what Johnson's case was, and we will never be able to ask him; he might have always known and decided – by force or by his own will – to suppress it. It might just as much be the case that he simply didn't know until later in his life. Sexuality can be a very fluid thing, Jane. He might have truly loved his wife, he might have been happy with her until maybe someday, he met a man who turned his life upside down. Self-awareness and learning about yourself are things that don't just stop at some point in your life; I believe you can learn about yourself as long as you breathe. Wow, that was one hell of a monologue." Judith chuckled as she pulled up in front of PBD.

Jane remained silent for a moment and stalled by taming her wild locks into a ponytail: "But. Hm. Wouldn't that make him bisexual for all of his life, only he didn't know about it until his forties? And then only when he met a man he fell in love with he realized?" She still couldn't grasp it and simultaneously, had no idea why it mattered to her so much. She felt very sorry for the victim and Rhay, for sure.

"Not necessarily. Homosexual, gay, bisexual, heterosexual, straight, queer, pansexual, asexual, demisexual – all of those are nothing but words, labels that matter to some people while others couldn't care less. It can help immensely with self-awareness to be able to match your feelings with a word, but sometimes words may just not be able to describe feelings properly. I am pretty positive that you can go through life considering yourself to be one thing and then you fall in love with a person – not a gender – and boom, everything is different. It might be someone you see on the street or in a coffee shop, it might be someone you have known for a while and suddenly, your skin prickles with excitement at their sight. And you know what, all of that's okay. You can love one person of your own gender and not necessarily identify as being attracted your gender as a whole; sometimes, people are too complex to always find shelter under a nice, clear label. I'm sorry, now I feel like I didn't clear up any of your confusion", Judith concluded as she was unbuckling her seatbelt.

"Don't worry, that was actually pretty informative, even though I don't know what some of the words you mentioned even mean. It's important to, you know, get insight into our victim's mindset. Maybe his death was a hate crime, or in any other way related to his sexual orientation", Jane explained hastily as she got out of the car, "can you do me a favor and call the taxi company to confirm Rhay's alibi before calling it a night? I feel like I have a migraine coming and I would like to go home as soon as possible, so that I will be okay by tomorrow morning."

"Yes, absolutely. Go home and rest; this was supposed to be your free weekend anyways", Judith smiled and lightly touched Jane's arm as she gave her the car keys with her other hand, "a case like this can absolutely overheat one's brain, huh?"

With not much more than a weak nod and a mumbled 'see ya', Jane climbed into the driver's seat and started her car. Suddenly, a throbbing pain settling in between her eyes, she only felt tired. Tired of the case, tired of talking, tired of not talking to Maura; and she wanted nothing more than that ice-cold beer she had been denied the night before (never mind the headache) and the silence of her apartment. She had never felt more alone.


	9. Chapter 9

After only briefly – and with a bad conscience – walking Jo Friday, Jane sighed audibly as she kicked off her shoes and finally fell onto the couch with her beer. Happy because of her company and anxious to get as much belly rubbing as humanly (or caninely) possible, her dog joined her on the couch and placed her head in her lap. With a weak smile, Jane gave in to her dog's belly rubbing demands and stroked her wild, white fur: "You're my baby and it's sooooo easy to love you, litte lady. I wish I were as lovable as you, Jo." As if on cue, the dog lifted her head and licked her hand, while simultaneously trying to roll on her back to score more belly rubs. "Thanks, baby. I know that you love me and always will as long as I provide you with food and clean up after your number twos outside. I wish it were this easy with humans, too." Taking a sip from her beer, Jane sighed again, as Maura had found her way into her thoughts yet again. She had no idea how this more or less routine day of police work could have ended up draining her of all her energy; she had merely conducted two interviews and done a lot of driving around, or rather, had been driven around by Judith. Jane rested her head on the back of the couch, massaging that damned spot between her eyes. If only everything were as easy as loving a dog…

When Jane awoke with a start, both the bottle of warm beer in her hands and her sleeping dog almost fell off the couch. "Jeez", she mumbled as she put the bottle safely on her coffee table and asked for Jo Friday's forgiveness by kissing her on the head. Before the dream could disappear back into the depths of her subconscious, Jane got up and slowly walked over to the living room window overlooking a nice little park. As she sat down on the window sill and watched the moon dance on the surface of the park's small pond, she tried to recall every detail of the dream, which ultimately seemed rather like a fragment than one coherent story. She had been at work with Judith but couldn't remember any details or even the case they were working on. And then suddenly, there she was, walking up the driveway to a very familiar front door only for it to open before she could knock. She could still see Maura's face before her, her hazel eyes sparkling and wide open in surprise, her mouth slowly turning into a smile unlike any she had ever seen when she, Jane, had said only four words to her former best friend: 'I get it now'. Just when Maura stepped aside to let her in, Jane had woken up, frustrated. Not even in her dreams was she allowed to talk to Maura and clear things up, apparently. Shivering, she looked down and realized that she was having a major case of the goosebumps; that had to have been one hell of a dream. She quickly grabbed a blanket from the couch and returned to the window sill, leaning her head against the cool glass of the window. Much like a snake slithering in the dusty sand of a desert, a thought was slowly working its way upward from her subconscious and when she finally, and very tentatively, connected the dots she almost hit her head on the window. Her hands shaking, she barely managed to pull her phone out of her pocket and after a quick look at the time – it wasn't even 10 pm yet, so she hadn't slept for more than an hour –, she called the last number she had saved to her phone.

"Judith? It's me, Jane. I'm so sorry to bother you this late, especially after we worked all day. Did I wake you up?" Words seemed to flow from her mouth faster than she could even conceptualize them.

"Jane! Are you alright? Don't worry, my Chinese takeout and I just got home. What's up?" Judith replied and Jane could hear keys being tossed onto what she presumed was a kitchen counter.

"I have a question, a question that connects kind of everything we have talked about today. Do you have a moment for me?" Jane was suddenly afraid to keep talking and felt absolutely stupid for what she wanted to ask with such a sudden urge.

"Absolutely. That is, as long as you have no issue with listening to me chewing my dinner", Judith laughed warmly before turning serious again, "Ask away. I will try not to turn my answer into yet another monologue."

"This morning after you came back from the morgue, you told me that there are different kinds of love and earlier in the car, we talked about different sexual orientations and how people may fall in love with someone completely unexpected, someone of their own gender. I just... I can't imagine that this was the kind of love you had in mind this morning, but I won't be able to sleep tonight unless I ask you. So here's me asking: do you seriously believe that the love Maura was referring to is of a romantic nature?" Jane explained quickly and momentarily forgot how to breathe when the answer was a light chuckle on the other end.

"Jane, I don't know what answer to this question you're hoping for, so I don't know whether I am about to make you very happy or very upset. But yes, Jane, that is exactly the kind of love I was referring to. Sorry, or not sorry, depending on what you wanted to hear from me."

Jane almost dropped her phone on the floor but caught it at the last moment and struggled to remember what English was: "So, what you're saying is that… Maura is in love with me?"

"What I'm saying is that I am about 99 % sure that this is the case, yes. As you know because you overheard our conversation, Maura didn't elaborate on the subject or specifically told me that she is absolutely and madly in love with you but I don't think she had to. It was written all over her face when she saw you at that hipster restaurant and it was so clearly visible in her dreamily sparkling eyes when she told me about her love for you and your family."

"But… how do you know? People look at other people all the time and yes, I know that she loves me and my family as if we were members of hers, but that doesn't turn her love into something romantic and sexual." Jane couldn't believe what she was hearing; something within her was refusing to accept Judith's words.

"Again, I don't know anything. But I am so sure of my suspicions because I recognize the look of a woman in love with another woman. I recognize it because I have looked at women this way before, and, luckily, a few of them have looked this way at me, too. I saw Maura's desperation, her passion, her longing for you. That's why, at the restaurant, I assumed that the two of you had recently been through a break-up. When you told me that this wasn't the case and when I talked to Maura at her office the next morning, I realized that, at least on her end of this story, I hadn't been wrong. I'm sorry if this is upsetting to you; but you asked."

Jane wasn't sure that upset was the right word to describe her current state of mind and heart. She felt completely dumbfounded and still rather unwilling to accept Judith's opinion as a possible truth. "It would explain most of the cryptic things that Maura has said to me – and to you – since I jumped off that goddamn bridge, yes. But how could she suddenly fall in love with me? We have been friends for years, and now this friendship is forever gone. Even if we eventually start talking again, I don't think our relationship can ever go back to the way it was before."

"Jane, she might be the Gregory Johnson in this situation, without the being murdered, of course. She might have been living her life happily, not even aware of her attraction to you for a long time. Maybe she knew for a while before she almost lost you to the floods of the Charles River. Maybe it hit her when she thought you were gone forever. In any case, I believe it was when she realized that friendship was no longer an option for her, no longer enough. The question here, Jane, is whether or not you even want to the friendship to go back to the way it was. Maura seems to be certain of her feelings for you, so she clearly doesn't want to go back. Forgive me for my blunt words, but I think you need to figure out what you feel before your issue with Maura can be resolved, one way or the other."

"I absolutely know what I feel, Judith. I already told you that I want to be Maura's friend because I love her", suddenly Jane felt angry at Judith even though she rationally knew that she hadn't done anything wrong. She pulled herself together and tried to sound as friendly as possible: "Thank you for telling me what you have observed, though. I have only known you for two days yet you just came out to me and we have talked about some very private things. I'm not usually like this at all, but I am very thankful that we have been so open with each other right from the start. You have helped me to make a little bit of sense of everything that has been happening, so thank you."

"Jane, I'm a lesbian; processing is what we do best", and with that and a chuckle on both ends of the conversation, Jane ended the phone call and stared into the darkness of her living room.

The truth was that she still had a lot of processing to do. Maura's supposed feelings for her were surprising and unexpected but they didn't necessarily scare her; she just didn't know what to do with them yet. The longer she thought about what Judith suspected, the more certain she was: her colleague was most probably right. On the phone she had said she wanted a friendship with Maura because she loved her as a friend; but the truth was that she didn't know anything anymore. Two hours ago she would have laughed at anyone who told her that Maura was in love with her, now she was fairly convinced that this was the case. Just when she thought her head was going to explode, she ran over to the kitchen counter and scribbled down a few words. Car keys in hand, she signaled an already very excited Jo Friday to come with her and ran down the stairs only a few seconds later.

It was close to midnight when she parked her car and walked up the driveway to a very familiar front door. Jane bent down and used the mail slot to deliver her little message before running back to her car and disappear into the night: "I get it now."


	10. Chapter 10

_Author's note:_

_Hallo, folks. I just wanted to tell you how happy and proud you are all making me feel. It continues to blow my mind that there's people from all over the world who read my stories and actually look forward to my new chapters. I've been writing for most of my life and in different languages, but I have never shown any of it to anyone besides my parents (when I was really, really young) or a few very close friends. I still can't believe that you enjoy my little fan fiction and I hope I can continue to deliver! For the last week or so, I've been sick with the flu and had a lot of free time to write; hence the daily updates. I went back to work today but I will try my best to keep up the fast updates; I'm in some sort of writing frenzy and wish I could do nothing but write all day. I'm so excited for what will happen to Jane and Maura next… I wish I could write as fast as I'm seeing it all in my head! Okay, I know you're not here to hear from me but to dive right back into Jane's adventure so I will shut up now. Last thing though: Thank you so much for your reviews! I love reviews – never mind if positive or negative, long or short –; they make me feel like I am in contact with all of you, like we have a dynamic exchange of ideas and emotions. And most of all: they help me improve as a writer and creative thinker. So thank you so much and I appreciate every single one._

After getting home from her little postal delivery, Jane tried her best to calm herself down and get at least a few hours of sleep before another day of crime solving would require her mind to be sharp and her body to be alert – in vain. Just when she'd finally managed to doze off into another dream (she would not remember later), her alarm clock rang and it was time to get ready for work. What would happen? Would anything happen at all? Maybe Maura didn't even read the note, maybe she didn't know that Jane had written it – or did she know her messy handwriting well enough? Would she talk to her, or get angry and throw the piece of paper in her face? Now, in the cold hard light of day – okay, it was actually still dark outside – Jane suddenly felt very silly and imprudent. How on earth had she been crazy enough to drive to Maura's in the middle of the night and deliver an anonymous message? Did she really believe what Judith had told her? Maura, in love with her? She had written what she had heard in her mysterious dream but did she really "get it now"? Was the idea of her best friend having romantic feelings for her really something that could be "gotten", could be understood? Before regret could start taking over her body and eat her up from the inside out, Jane sighed and blindly stumbled into the bathroom; maybe a cold shower would wake her up and help her accept whatever the consequences of her little trip would be. After all, what's done is done, right?

Coffees for everyone (Maura, too) in hand, Jane hurried into the office only to find that everyone else was already there – including Maura, who was pinning a few sheets of paper on the whiteboard. "Jeez, sorry. Did I forget about an early morning meeting?" She blurted out as she handed a cup to each of her colleagues. Upon hearing her voice, Maura turned around and suddenly, and for what seemed the first time in forever, hazel eyes met their brown counterparts: "Good morning, Jane. Thank you for the coffee. That's very thoughtful of you." Clearly smiling at her – yes, at her, Jane Rizzoli –, Maura held out her hand, and when she took the paper cup from Jane, their hands touched lightly and, Jane thought, probably accidentally. Jane quickly withdrew her hand and discretely stared at it for a moment; she felt like it was burning hot. Probably from the coffee, as she had forgotten to ask for sleeves at Boston Joe's.

Maura's words hadn't been much more than small talk, but she had inhaled them like much needed oxygen and now they were causing a warm, fuzzy feeling inside of her. Maybe Maura had read her note after all and decided that they could finally be friends again; or at least work towards it. She had smiled at her! That had to mean something, right?

Before she could dwell on the most recent developments any further, it was her brother who pulled a typical "Frankie" and spoke before he could think: "Oh hell, yes. Thank you, Maura. I thought you would never speak to Jane again. I think none of us will miss the awkwardness of the last few weeks. Cause… phew. It was very hard to be around you two." Korsak laughed and gave Frankie a thumbs-up, Nina shook her head in disbelief but smiled encouragingly at Maura and Jane, Judith simply stared at Frankie, and Jane wanted to disappear from the face of the earth and tried to kill her brother with one of her famous death glares. Maura, however, chuckled weakly and shrugged: "I know that I have been behaving strangely of late, some might even say childish. I'm very sorry if I caused discomfort to anyone in this room; that was not my intention. The rest is between Jane and me, though, and I am confident we will work through our issues together. That is, if she still wants to." Again, Maura looked directly into her eyes and gave her a smile that wasn't unlike the one Jane had seen in her dream the night before. For a moment, everyone else in the room seemed to disappear and Jane once again felt like she'd forgotten how to breathe or articulate herself.

"Wha–. Yes, yes of course", Jane half stuttered, half whispered and her voice sounded strangely hoarse in her ears. It seemed like her little message had been the right thing to do and suddenly, for the first time since Maura had started ignoring her, she felt something like confidence. Yes, they would work through the issues and come out even closer on the other side.

"Now that Rizzoli Junior has cleared up how awkward we have all been feeling, I believe it's time to go back to work and focus on our poor Mr. Johnson", Korsak got up from his chair and walked over to the whiteboard. "Lewis and Rizzoli Senior here have done some excellent work yesterday and found out that our vic had been in a relationship with a man prior to his death", he explained and continued to bring them all up to speed on the latest results.

"I contacted the taxi company last night and tracked down the driver who took Rhay home after his visit to Johnson's office. He confirmed the ride and said that it took almost an hour; Rhay paid by credit card and a copy of the receipt has already been faxed to us. Considering Johnson's time of death, Rhay isn't our man, which doesn't surprise me at all. He seemed to have been in a good relationship with the victim and had not reason to hurt him. We should definitely talk to Mrs. Johnson, in any case. Maybe she wasn't as supportive of her husband's homosexuality as Rhay told us – it wouldn't be too out of the question", Judith explained to everyone before turning to Maura, "Please tell us that you have some good news and lots of new leads for us".

Maura smiled and pointed at the whiteboard: "I wouldn't necessarily call them good news but we definitely found some interesting things. My team collected a few fibers on the window frame in Johnson's office and they successfully matched them to the pair of trousers the victim was wearing; we have therefore concluded that he was pushed out of said window and fell to his death. The defensive marks on his forearms and hands indicate a struggle and we can expect his killer to have a few scratches and bruises on his arms as well. Just before heading into this meeting, I received the results of the DNA analysis of the skin tissue found under the victim's fingernails. We couldn't match this DNA with anything in any of our databases but I can tell you with certainty that the person we are looking for is male and most likely white. Now, I know that that doesn't seem like much now, but as soon as we have a suspect we can compare DNA. The sample that Jane and Judith brought me last night is already being tested and compared and I will hear back from the lab by tomorrow. I'm sorry my news weren't better."

"Now, that was brilliant. Thanks, Maura", Jane blurted out hastily, "There is something that I didn't realize in time yesterday to ask Rhay in person. Remember how Johnson's wife told us that Rhay's manager blamed him for installing a faulty alarm system and that Rhay's stalker broke into his house? She said that said manager stormed into Johnson's office and insulted him. It just strikes me as odd now that Rhay didn't mention this to us at all. You'd expect a couple to talk about something like this, right? Bottom line, I think we should talk to this mysterious manager. After all, we're looking for a male suspect. Does anyone else have a theory?"

"You're right, that is indeed odd. If my boyfriend's manager yelled at me, I would probably complain to him about it. I will track down this guy right now and send you his info. Anything else?" Nina said and was already halfway at her desk.

"As Lewis already suggested, I believe it would be a good idea to talk to Mrs. Johnson again. DNA results clear her for the murder but Rhay said she had a boyfriend, too. Maybe the boyfriend was jealous of the marriage and decided it was better to date a widow rather than a married lady?" Jane brainstormed. "I feel like we're still pretty much at square one on this case; and yet the solution feels strangely close."

After the team wrapped up their meeting, Maura was already stepping into the elevator when Jane jumped up from her chair and ran after her: "Maura, wait." What else did she even want to say? She had no idea; she just knew that she wanted to speak to her best friend alone, without half of BPD listening to their private issues.

"Jane!" Maura smiled her best Maura-smile and held the elevator open for her. "Didn't you want to call the victim's boyfriend?"

In lack of any better idea, Jane stepped into the elevator and the doors closed instantly. Maybe it was because they hadn't been this close to each other for weeks but Jane didn't know how to behave around Maura at all. She could hear her breathe, feel her shift her weight from one leg to the other, hell, she could even smell Maura's perfume (a gift from Jane) mixed with the scent of what was clearly her favorite shampoo, lemon balm with a hint of spearmint. Taking all of this in simultaneously, Jane suddenly realized that she hadn't even answered Maura's question yet and was simply riding the elevator with her like some silent creep. "I… uh, yes. You're right. I should, eh, do that."

Maura giggled and pointed at the elevator door: "Did you want to call from the morgue?" Jane realized that her friend was probably messing with her and a wave of anger washed over her. She had ignored her for over a month; was Maura really in a position to make fun of her? One look at Maura's smiling face, however, dissolved any negative feeling and Jane helplessly shrugged and looked back to the floor. How could she be angry? She was simply too happy that Maura was talking to her again.

The doors opened before Jane could say even a fraction of all the things she wanted to say to Maura and she had no choice but to let her step out of the elevator and return to work. Before they closed again, Maura turned around and blocked them with her foot: "I'm afraid this isn't the time or the place. Come to my house at 8 tonight; bring my favorite wine and I will cook your favorite meal. Now go solve the case, detective." And without any further words of goodbye, Maura winked at Jane, stepped away from the elevator and disappeared into her office.

Jane would have needed the length of ten elevator rides to regain composure, but 20 seconds had to do the trick. In less than 24 hours she had made more progress with Maura than in the entire month before – and somehow, she felt like she had Judith to thank for it. Now she was invited back into Maura's house, back into her kitchen, back to her side. The thought of the conversation that would accompany wine and homemade ravioli made the coffee and the hastily devoured donut from this morning dance around dangerously in her stomach and, as she looked down, the goosebumps from the dream had returned to her forearms as well. Was she excited? Nervous? Scared? What would she even say? What would Maura say? Confess her love for Jane?

For now, however, a brutally murdered victim deserved her attention; nothing she could do would make 8 pm approach any faster. As she sat down at her desk and picked up her phone to call Rhay, she looked up and into Judith's curious eyes. Neither of the two had to speak; Judith raised her hand and gave her a thumbs-up, looking at her inquiringly. Jane couldn't help but grin like a Cheshire cat as she answered with an affirmative thumbs-up. 11 hours to go.


	11. Chapter 11

One call to Michael Rhay, who still sounded exactly as sad and desperate as Jane thought he would, had blown the case wide open: his stalker had never successfully broken into his home (and eventually, moved on to the next handsome celebrity) and Rhay knew nothing about his manager yelling at Johnson, as neither the former nor the latter had told him. "So, in a nutshell: somebody is definitely lying. The question is: Who, and what does this person gain by doing so?" Jane dropped her phone on the desk and leaned back in her chair, folding her hands behind her head.

"In my opinion, there are two options: the encounter between the manager and Johnson never happened at all, in which case Celia Johnson would be the liar and a fine suspect at least in terms of having hired or asked someone else to kill her husband. What she'd gain, I guess, is the focus of our investigation shifting away from her and onto the manager, and thus possibly also time to get rid of evidence that would implicate her as the one pulling the strings", Judith brainstormed while Frankie was taking notes on their famous whiteboard.

"Right; and the second option would be that the encounter between the two actually happened but not for the reason that Johnson mentioned to his wife and for some reason that he could not share with his boyfriend at all, in which case I'd say that something shady must have been going on between the manager and our victim; something that ultimately culminated in murder", Jane continued her colleague's train of thought and earned yet another thumbs-up.

"If something shady was going on, then why would Johnson have told his wife at all?" Frankie asked from his position as unofficial minute-taker.

"The only thing I can think of off the top of my head is that there might have been a witness to the encounter. Who is the one person who always knows what's going on?" Jane asked and Nina was already racing back to her desk.

"Johnson's secretary, of course. Give me 90 seconds and you'll have his or her number on your phones", she said over her shoulder, fingers already typing before she even sat down.

Johnson's secretary, who insisted on being called his "personal assistant", confirmed that he had indeed witnessed several meetings between the victim and Rhay's manager, Jackson Leonard, in the last month or so, the last one only about a week ago. According to Johnson's assistant, who had been told that the appointments were in reference to Rhay's stalker, said meeting ended abruptly when Leonard stormed out of the victim's office, slamming doors and yelling obscenities. Johnson had then explained to him as well as to his wife, who had been alarmed by the commotion, that the stalker had successfully broken into Rhay's apartment, stealing various personal items of a delicate nature.

After Judith finished her call to the assistant – she had put him on speaker for the others to listen in –, Jane placed another call to Johnson's wife and equally put her on speaker: "Mrs. Johnson? This is Jane Rizzoli, BPD. We spoke yesterday when you were kind enough to come in but a couple of new questions have arisen during the course of our investigation. Do you have a moment to talk?"

"Hallo, detective. Yes, absolutely. I can already imagine what your call is in reference to."

"And I imagine that you are referring to your husband's relationship to Michael Rhay, correct? Can you confirm that you knew about it prior to Gregory's death?" Jane asked.

"Yes, detective Rizzoli. I absolutely knew about Greg and Michael. They were a really great couple and very happy with each other. I should really call Mike, the poor boy", Mrs. Johnson answered openly.

"Forgive me, Mrs. Johnson, but I think that most people would consider your answer to be very odd. You were married to Gregory yet you speak highly of your husband's homosexual relationship with a third person. How does that fit together? And in contrast to your honest opinion now, you didn't mention Michael at all during our interview yesterday morning. Why is that?"

"Well, detective. When I married Greg I promised to be there for him and support and protect him for the rest of my life. After a few really good and passionate initial years of our marriage, Greg started to change and become really introverted. At first I thought he was simply burying himself in work, then I thought he was having an affair but I was completely blindsided when he finally came out to me. Our sexual orientation is something we do not get to choose, detective Rizzoli, so I never blamed for being gay. He was suffering enough as it was, he didn't need me to tell him that I had married him believing he would love and desire me forever; I couldn't stand to see him as unhappy as he was. So I did what I had promised in my marriage vows: I supported him, I helped him through the process, I told him I would stay with him if that was what he and the company needed. And after all, there are different kinds of love: he did love me, you know – just not in the way that I had originally wanted. Anyway, we had an arrangement: we divided our house in two parts, thereby living together but apart. He was with Michael, I was with Felix, my boyfriend. Sometimes we would have a little dinner party, a double-date if you will", her voice broke momentarily, "what the hell am I going to do without Greg? He was my best friend."

She continued to explain to Jane that she had omitted Rhay's role in Johnson's life to protect both Shield and Rhay's acting career, which seemed very plausible to Jane. Before hanging up, Rizzoli told her about the fake reason for Leonard's angry departure and the victim's wife seemed to doubt her late husband and friend for the first time: "I'm very sorry but I have absolutely no idea why Greg would have lied about something like this. I highly doubt that anything illegal or suspicious was going on but I honestly don't know. Have you found Greg's diary yet?"

Surprised, Jane and Judith looked at each other – no diary. "If your husband kept a diary, we haven't found it. Could you bring it in for us?"

"That won't be necessary; he used to keep a diary on his personal laptop which you already have in possession. As far as I know, it's an encrypted file that he named 'A Tale Told by an Idiot' because he was the biggest and loveliest literature nerd I have ever met", Mrs. Johnson's voice broke again; she really seemed to have loved her husband, platonically or not. "I'm sorry but the only thing I cannot tell you is his password. I wish I could be of more help."

After reassuring her that she had indeed been very helpful, Jane ended the call and was about to tell Nina to search for the file, when the latter already requested a high-five for having found it.

"Johnson's wife is right, it's password-protected. I can try to hack my way in but it would take time. The easiest way would be to guess his password but unless it's 'Zombiekillermichael' it might be a bit difficult", Nina explained as she brought up the file on the big screen and, just to be on the safe side, unsuccessfully tried 'Zombiekillermichael'. Other combinations with Rhay's name and date of birth and even with Celia Johnson's were equally wrong. "Any ideas?"

"Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player that struts and frets his hour upon the stage and then is heard no more: it is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing", Jane visibly startled when Maura's voice suddenly filled the room as she walked into the office and up to the screen reciting the famous lines.

"What?" Was the only thing she managed to say, even though the lines sounded vaguely familiar to her and a little voice in the back of her head whispered that it was something high school-related.

Maura smiled and pointed at the title of the file: "_Macbeth_, act five, scene five. Try the most obvious ones first, Nina: 'Shakespeare', 'Macbeth', 'SoundandFury'." None of them unlocked Johnson's diary.

In full Maura-genius mode, she seemed to be temporarily unaware of the detectives as she walked up and down the room, finally sitting down on Jane's desk. Unsure whether to lean in closer to Maura, or lean back in her chair, Jane herself seemed to freeze in motion and simply stared up into her best friend's face, whose mouth was moving silently. Was she reciting the entire play in her head?

"Okay, let's go out on a limb here. In the famous 'sound and fury' monologue, Macbeth is not exactly presenting a very positive outlook on life and its meaning. From what I have heard about the case, that was not Johnson's way of thinking at all; rather the opposite. He was happy with his boyfriend and very successful, right? So maybe, a foil to Macbeth. Hm…" For a moment, Maura stared at the screen, apparently going through the play.

"'Give sorrow words; the grief that does not speak knits up the o-er wrought heart and bids it break', Malcom in act four, scene three", she finally mumbled and looked up at Nina, "That's exactly what Johnson did in his diary, right? Nina, try 'Givesorrowwords'.

When the file opened before their eyes, Maura smiled happily and rather content with herself, and got up from Jane's desk to return to her regular job in the morgue. Nina was already scanning the document for Leonard's name, while Korsak and Frankie were still trying to figure out how on earth Maura had probably just cracked their case. Jane, however, jumped up from her chair and, without so much as a split second of thinking about it, she grabbed Maura's arm and pulled her into a hug. It had been so long that Maura's warmth and the smell of her hair (that damned lemon balm shampoo!) almost knocked her off her feet and for a moment, Jane simply closed her eyes and forgot all about the case and her colleagues in the room. When she remembered, however, she still didn't break the hug and basically whispered into Maura's ear: "Thank you for that beautiful brain of yours. I, I mean, BPD would be nothing without you."

Finally, Maura broke the embrace, smiled warmly at Jane and said loudly enough for everyone: "It's all about team work. I'm always happy to help. That's also why I came upstairs in the first place. I'm finished with the official autopsy report and put it on Korsak's desk when you were all staring at the screen." Then, softer and just for Jane's ears: "See you at 8. Don't be late. And if you make an arrest until then, I will make dessert for you, too."

Even without the promise of a delicious treat (Chocolate cake? Chocolate cupcakes? A chocolate fountain? Jane was feeling very chocolate-y), Jane's gut was telling her that they were indeed close to finding the killer and closing the case once and for all.

She turned out to be right: it took Nina about three minutes to find a variety of diary entries on Johnson's problems with Jackson Leonard, Rhay's manager and the motive for his death it provided them with was ultimately one of the classics: greed. By accident, Leonard had found an explicit photography of Johnson and his boyfriend and decided to make a nice sum of money on the side. Considering that Rhay was his golden boy and main source of regular income, Leonard had met with Johnson to blackmail him instead: 100.000 $ for his silence, as he threatened to anonymously tip off the press and have them publish the photo. According to the victim's diary, Johnson didn't care so much about his own future as CEO of Shield but ultimately paid Leonard off to protect his boyfriend even though he wasn't sure Leonard would really go through with it and risk losing his best client. During their last meeting before his murder, however, Leonard requested another 50.000, squeezing Johnson like a lemon. Interestingly, his final diary entry had been written the day of his murder, as the victim was waiting in his office to secretly meet his blackmailer. Instead of paying him off yet again, Johnson had decided to no longer play along and instead tell his boyfriend the truth and risk being exposed to the public. He ended his entry by expressing his concern over how Leonard would take these news.

"I think we all know how Leonard took them", Jane said grabbing her jacket, "Let's go arrest this scumbag, Lewis." The rest of the afternoon, and with it Jackson Leonard's arrest, went by rather smoothly. When Leonard opened the door to find two badges shoved into his face, his scratched hands clearly visible to the detectives, he caved in instantly (not having to run after a murder suspect trying to escape arrest was, quite literally, a nice change of pace once in a while). During his interrogation, and rather out of fear of the jury he'd soon face than actual regret, Leonard fully confessed to the murder. Like he had decided in his diary, Johnson had told Leonard that he would no longer be blackmailed, and Leonard lost it and attacked the victim. A struggle ensued, at the end of which Leonard, fearing for his job and freedom, saw an opportunity in the open window and pushed Johnson out. Accordingly, the DNA sample they took from him would be successfully matched to the DNA found under the victim's fingernails – the cherry on the cake that would prove to be an airtight case in court.

Jane was finishing her paperwork, extremely happy that her team had been able to bring justice to yet another victim, when Judith returned to her desk from a conversation with lieutenant Cavanaugh: "I have very good news. You'll be happy to hear that the lieutenant was very content with our fast and efficient work on this case. Hell, this meeting was supposed to merely be a welcome and yet, you made me look extremely good by already having solved a case. So instead of welcoming me to the unit, he told me to tell you and the others that we get the next two days off as a recompense for the lost weekend."

"Yes, those are excellent news; I could really use a couple of days off. And hey, I didn't make you look good. We made each other look good. Well, it was mostly Maura who made us look good, huh? Without her, we would probably still be trying out passwords. Anyways, I feel like in the end, this case was a rather typical one. A scumbag gets greedy and tries to shake down a rich guy; rich guy refuses and pays with his life. And yet, this one touched me deeply. I feel so sorry for the victim and especially Rhay. They fought so hard and went through so much pain and finally found happiness with each other. I really don't wanna be in Rhay's shoes; I can't even begin to understand what it must feel like to lose the person you love the most in this godforsaken world", Jane explained, her empathy causing her to momentarily share Rhay's grief.

"It's okay, Jane. Some cases hit closer to home than others. I'll keep my fingers crossed that you will have many, many years before you have to go through a loss like this. What do you say: beers and soy burgers at your strange restaurant to celebrate two days off, a closed case and life and love in general?" Judith got up from her desk to call it a night and enjoy, as Maura had taught her, her 'Feierabend'.

Suddenly looking at her watch (how could she have forgotten to check it every five minutes to see if 8 pm was finally around the corner?), Jane dropped her pen and jumped up from her chair: "Shit. How can it be 6.30 already? I gotta go home and shower and then stop on my way to buy wine. I'm so sorry, Judith, but I need to take a raincheck. I actually have a…"

"… Date?" Judith grinned at Jane and gave her yet another thumbs-up.

"Yes. I mean no. Okay, sort of. I am meeting Maura for dinner so we can talk about everything that's happened and she might finally explain her side of things. So, yeah. I'm pretty excited!" Once again, words seemed to come out of Jane's mouth faster than her brain could actually process them.

"I'm very happy for you two and wish you all the best for tonight. Raincheck it is. We'll go have a drink soon, then; and who knows, maybe we'll have more things to celebrate", Judith said and with this last cryptic remark, she left Jane to pack up her belongings and race home.

Against all odds, Jane parked in Maura's driveway at exactly 7.59 pm and, her hands trembling, barely managed to unbuckle her seatbelt. As she walked up to the front door, a bottle of the finest Chardonnay she could find safely tucked under her arm, she couldn't help but remember her dream; this time, however, her goosebumps at the sight of Maura's new and differen – but equally captivating – smile were real. "Hey Maura, thanks for inviting me. And just so you know, we made an arrest and closed the case this afternoon", Jane explained rather proudly as she stood in the doorway, unsure whether or not to hug her best friend.

"Well, then", Maura chuckled as she motioned Jane to come inside and lightly touched her arm as a welcome, "I hope you will stay for dessert."


	12. Chapter 12

_Author's note: Sorry for taking a bit longer to update. I didn't do it for the dramatic effect but because I had a lot of work and wanted to have enough time to think (and feel) this chapter through. I hope you'll enjoy it. Tell me in the review what you thought of it. Updates should be quicker during the weekend. Have fun!_

Taking off her jacket and tossing it over the nearest chair, the smell of freshly cooked pasta in her nose, Jane felt like she was finally coming home after a very long and stressful day at work. Maura, still wearing an apron over a black and white block dress that Jane had never seen before, told Jane to get comfortable as she was still adding the finishing touches to what would certainly turn out to be a delicious meal. Awkwardly, Jane sat down on the couch as she had done a million times before and looked around. Maura was still Maura and her house was still her house, warm and welcoming as always and yet everything felt different tonight; hell, even Jane felt different tonight. "Are you sure there's nothing I can help you with?"

"I told you I'd make dinner for you so you just relax. I'm almost done anyways", Maua pointed at her already perfectly set dining table while simultaneously trying to open the bottle of Chardonnay. Then, a couple of minutes later, the apron gone: "Dinner is ready!" Maura smiled almost shyly as she motioned Jane to sit down across from her, and even pulled out the chair for her. "You love so many different dishes that the final choice was between burgers, pizza and any kind of pasta, really. In the end, I went with ravioli with a sausage and cheese filling and tomato sauce. I hope you'll like it."

While pizza or burgers would have made her equally happy, Maura's choice had been nothing short of perfect. Ravioli reminded her of her childhood, of home, and it felt like a very intimate dish to cook for her; Maura truly knew her better than anyone else. "Thanks, Maura. I love it already. Are you sure your palate will survive something as… barbaric as sausage and cheese?" Jane laughed as she started eating. Maura's homemade ravioli tasted like heaven.

Maura joined her in her laugh and for a moment, it was like the old Jane and Maura were back und reunited at last. The point of their meeting, however, was to discuss how the dynamic of their friendship had changed, and both women seemed to be acutely aware of it. "I think my palate and I could survive anything for you, so don't worry about me", Maura finally answered, rather seriously. Jane suspected Maura was already talking about something more than ravioli, and the thought of their inevitable conversation suddenly terrified her.

During dinner, none of the two dared to be the first one to speak and so, the only thing that was being exchanged were secret glances over candlelight. Was it Jane's paranoia or did Maura seem just as nervous as she herself felt? After finishing their meal (their seconds, in Jane's case), their eyes finally met and Maura smiled warmly at her friend: "Do you want your dessert right now, or was the second plate of ravioli maybe a bit much even for you?"

"I think you must have missed an anatomy lesson back in med school, Dr. Isles. It's actually widely known that every human being possesses two stomachs: one for regular food, and a second, smaller one for dessert. So, bring it!" Jane laughed and dramatically rubbed her tummy.

"Alright. Let's move to the couch, though. It's more comfortable, don't you think?" Maura said as she was heading back into her open kitchen, "And don't forget the wine".

When Maura returned with various bowls of fruit – grapes, pieces of banana, strawberries – and a fondue set, Jane saw all her chocolate-y dreams fulfilled: "Oh my god, Maura. You read my mind. This is perfect."

"It is, isn't it? I felt like our bodies could need a few vitamins after the heavy ravioli and the chocolate… well, let's say I know you better than to just offer you fruit as a reward for great police work", Maura explained as she lit the candle under the fondue. Waiting for the chocolate to slowly melt, she raised her glass of wine and smiled at her friend: "Thank you for coming over tonight, Jane. I know that cooking you one meal can't possibly make up for the way I have treated you for the past month or so but I certainly hope it's a start. Please forgive me for ignoring you, for my desperate attempt to cut you out of my life. I didn't know what else to do but I know now that I behaved horribly and like a stupid child. I couldn't verbalize what I was feeling after you jumped off the bridge even though I quickly realized what it was. And let's be honest, I am rather happy that you figured it out on your own and still want to be in touch with me. I was so afraid you would turn your back on me."

For a moment, Jane didn't – couldn't – respond and shifted on the couch, now facing Maura directly. Of course the moment of truth had to come eventually. What if she was wrong, after all? Maybe Maura was talking about entirely different feelings? There was only one way to find out. "Maura, the past month has been absolute hell for me. I was always aware of and absolutely thankful for how special our friendship was but I felt like I never really appreciated it until it was gone. I wanted to talk to you every single day; I wanted to come over here and just hug you and be part of your life again. I think it's safe to say that I have never suffered like this before in my life. The worst part was that, for the longest time, I simply couldn't understand what had actually happened. We have always talked about everything and then suddenly, you cut me out of everything, without so much as a single word. I think I understand now, at least to a certain degree. And yet, I am still not sure. Please explain what happened to us, Maura."

"What do you think happened, Jane?" Maura asked, barely audible, and took a sip of Chardonnay.

Jane stared at her hands, her scars always a visible reminder of how close she'd come to dying before: "I think that your feelings towards me changed when you saw me jump to what you had to assume was my certain death. I think that the thought of having lost me made you realize that your feelings for me were no longer of a platonic nature. I think that… you might have fallen in love with me and didn't know how to handle it. As you just said, you might have been afraid that I wouldn't be able to handle your feelings, that I would no longer want you in my life. The point is, though, that I will always want you in my life, Maura. I cannot imagine it without you, and that is why your behavior hurt me so much. How could you really think that I would abandon you?"

Maura placed her glass on the table, and took Jane's hand in both of hers, gently running her thumb over the scar Hoyt had left behind: "The point is, Jane, that in hindsight, I am pretty sure I always loved you. I fell in love with you as soon as I walked into the Division One Café and saw you in your horrendous outfit and you called me 'sister' for trying to be supportive of your work as a prostitute. I suppressed it, subconsciously decided to push away the romantic nature of my feelings and instead, built a wonderful friendship with you over the years. I had been so alone for most of my life, I didn't know what love, what friendship really was and so, both concepts became rather blurred. I feared for your life when Hoyt was after you; I feared for your life when you shot yourself; I feared for your life when you jumped off the bridge. But it wasn't until that night that I finally realized and started to see clearly; the concepts are no longer blurred and I know now what I want. I love you, Jane. Not as a 'sister' but as the courageous, strong and beautiful woman that you are. I don't want to simply hug you, I want to hold you; I want to kiss you. I want to be your family and I want you to be mine. For the first time in my life, I feel like nothing is missing. I have found what I have been searching for in all my previous relationships, and it took me so long to realize it. I stopped talking to you not because I couldn't handle you risking your life on the job – I know that it's an essential part of your work and, even though I hate being afraid for your well-being, I get it – but because I was too afraid of telling you how I felt and of you telling me that the lines were never blurred for you. I want a relationship with you, Jane, not a friendship, and I am scared because I feel like you won't be able to give me what I want." By the end of her explanation, Maura was crying and helplessly staring down at their intertwined hands.

Before Maura could withdraw her hands, Jane quickly grabbed them and wouldn't have let go of them for anything in the world. So it was true after all; her best friend was in love with her and apparently had been for a long time. If it hadn't been for Judith, Jane might never have understood what was going on but now that she did, she was unsure of what to feel or even say. Their friendship had always been special, had always been much closer than a regular one. And yes, she would have given her life for Maura without a doubt. She loved her more than anything in the world… but wasn't that what the relationship with your best friend was supposed to be like? Or had the lines been blurred for her, too, without realizing it? Jane took a moment to study Maura's face; yes, she had always considered it to be the most beautiful face she had ever seen, and not from a perspective of jealousy. Being around Maura, working with her, even simple things like watching a movie together, had always made her happy. With Maura, she always felt comfortable and at home. Did all of this turn her into a lesbian? Or was she simply being a good friend? According to Judith, the answer was no. She had explained to her that sexuality was fluid and that sometimes, a person wasn't only one thing or the other but simply in love. Was she? In love? Could she imagine the things that Maura was talking about? Holding her, kissing her? Holding her hands, for starters, didn't make her uncomfortable and her heart was breaking at watching Maura cry because of her. She pulled Maura closer to her and into a hug, Maura's tears feeling wet and warm on her collarbone. For a moment, they just sat there like this and Jane, gently stroking Maura's hair, tried desperately to come up with the right words: "Maura, I… am very confused by everything. I have dated men all my life; hell, I was about to marry one for a second there. I just… I have never thought of women in the way that you are thinking about me and I never expected any of this until my case sort of broadened my horizon. I have never seen myself in this position, never thought of something like that as possible in my life. And yet, here we are and all I know is that you're special to me, Maura. Everything else is, indeed, a blur right now." Hugging her, being this close to her right after she'd confessed her love, smelling her and feeling her warmth – none of it scared Jane and yet the thought of taking it a step further and, for example, kiss Maura was so strange to her she couldn't even really think it through. Did that necessarily mean she didn't want to?

"It's okay, Jane. I understand and I'm so sorry for overwhelming you. You don't have to say anything now; I just wanted you to know what I feel and want so that maybe you can think about it. And if it turns out that all you can give me is friendship then we'll figure it out. Maybe someday it could be possible for me to truly be your friend", Maura mumbled into Jane's T-Shirt.

The only thing Jane was absolutely sure of was that she couldn't imagine a life without Maura. She leaned back and lifted Maura's head with her hand, brown eyes locking with hazel ones: "Please don't cry, Maura. All I know is that you are the most important thing in my entire life. And I never want to lose you again." Suddenly, she realized that her hand was shaking, that her goosebumps were back once again and that she had no reason to be afraid. It was Maura she was holding, after all.

And just as her brain seemed to switch off and her body leaned in closer to Maura, lips searching for lips, the front door flew open and an all too familiar voice greeted them: "Maura, it smells delicious in here; what have you been cooking?"


	13. Chapter 13

Jane jumped up from the couch so quickly she hit her knee on the coffee table: "Ma, hi! We're having chocolate fondue. Want some?" In order to underline how true her statement was, she grabbed a big strawberry, dipped it in chocolate and stuffed it in her mouth in its entirety. Jane could feel Maura's eyes on her but she avoided to look at her in any way possible as she practically sprinted towards her mother and hugged her.

"Janie, what are you doing here?" Angela looked from her daughter to Maura, who was still sitting on the couch, and back. "Does that mean you two ladies finally made up from whatever it was that was keeping you apart? God, I'm so glad you two are friends again!" She hugged her daughter again, enthusiastically walked over to the couch and simply grabbed Maura to plant a kiss on both of her cheeks.

Not only had they made up but almost made out as well and, now that the moment was over, Jane had no idea how she could have gotten so dangerously close to kissing Maura. That's what was happening, right? Had Maura even realized what was about to ensue? It had only been a minute ago but it already seemed a million miles away. It had to have been a spur-of-the-moment kind of thing, she had been confused by Maura's confession, and by her body so close to hers. Kissing Maura? The idea seemed insane to her now; no matter what Judith had explained to her about love and sexuality, she couldn't possibly be desiring another woman. What would her mother say? Her brothers? Korsak and the others at work? How could anybody possibly understand if Jane suddenly brought a woman to the Dirty Robber and introduced her as her girlfriend? Well, not any woman. Maura; but still. She simply couldn't even begin to picture it.

"Janie? Are you day-dreaming? I asked you to bring me a plate so I can enjoy the chocolate fondue without messing up Maura's couch", Angela sat down next to Maura and immediately dipped a grape in chocolate.

Helplessly and almost as if in trance, Jane walked into the kitchen and grabbed a plate for her mother, unsure if she was happy or upset that she'd shown up when she'd shown up. Angela taking up half the couch, Maura moved over as far as she could and motioned Jane to sit back down with her, their bodies practically touching from shoulders to feet. The sudden renewed closeness to Maura and the awkwardness of the presence of her mother didn't help with Jane's confusion and she could barely stand being in the same room with her friend. She managed to force a couple of strawberries down before she jumped up from the couch again, unable to stand Angela's small talk even for another second: "I'm sorry, Maura. I just realized that I forgot to walk Jo Friday before I came over for dinner and she must be very desperate by now. Ma, have fun with the chocolate fondue, it's very delicious. Thanks for dinner, Maura."

Jane was already grabbing her jacket and had to stop herself from running out like a maniac, when Maura got up and insisted on walking her out. Angela, oblivious to everything, merely waved at her daughter before returning to the chocolate in front of her.

"Jane, wait", Maura said desperately as she closed the front door behind them, "please don't leave like this. I had no idea that your mother would be home tonight; I should have locked the door." Apparently, she had realized what Jane had come so dangerously close to doing.

"It's not your fault, Maura. But I really do have to go home now. My head is spinning and I barely know who I am and what I want any more. Even though I had about a day to think about your feelings for me before I heard it from you after dinner, it's all happened so very fast and it's all so very new. I don't know what to think any more and I just feel like I need to go home and be alone. I'm sorry if I ruined the chocolate fondue, I really could have enjoyed it. I just… can't now." Jane was halfway at her car, when Maura grabbed her arm and pulled her into an embrace.

"I'm sorry for everything, Jane. But I'm also happy that you know now. I truly enjoyed our dinner tonight and the conversation we had. I'm extremely terrified of losing you and you holding me was so very soothing. I'm sorry if my feelings are scaring you; feelings can be scary sometimes but they can also be the most beautiful thing on earth." Maura let go of her and lightly touched Jane's cheek, brushing an especially rebellious lock of black her out of her face: "Good night, Jane." And with that, Maura turned around and went back inside, leaving Jane and her confusing thoughts all alone.

Unsure whether her spinning head was exclusively to Maura's existence or to the two glasses of wine they had enjoyed over dinner, Jane climbed into the driver's seat to disappear from Maura's sight and sighed as she pulled out her phone to call a cab. For the majority of the time, the dinner had gone exactly the way that could be expected; until that split second on the couch. The old Jane would have attributed it to temporary insanity and pushed it as far away as possible; the new Jane – at least there seemed to be a new version of herself – felt overwhelmed, weak and in desperate need to process her feelings. When exactly had she turned into this person with an overflow of feelings and confusion? In the past, she would have gone to Maura to reluctantly verbalize what she was feeling and solve her problems with the help of her best friend. Now that Maura was the source of her confusion, there was nobody to talk to, nobody she felt safe enough with to let her weak side show through. Actually, that was not one hundred percent true. 'Hey Judith, I hope I am not waking you up. I think I need to talk to someone. Sorry for bothering you at night yet again', sending a text seemed both less desperate and less intrusive to Jane; a text could easily be ignored – but it wasn't. Judith sent her address and told her she could show up any time.

When the cab finally pulled into Maura's driveway, Jane jumped out of her car and into the cab, too afraid to look back at Maura's living room window. After giving the driver Judith's address she sent another text; this one to Maura herself: 'Decided not to drive tonight. Leaving my car at your place. Will pick it up tomorrow. I'm sorry, Maura. Jane'.

Dressed in sweatpants, and old T-Shirt and a robe, Judith opened the door and led Jane into a small but cozy living room, various moving boxes waiting to be unpacked on the floor: "I'm sorry for both my appearance and the chaos in here. I just moved in last week and haven't gotten around to unpacking yet. Please sit down. Would you like a drink?"

"Don't worry, Judith. It's incredibly rude of me to waltz in here in the middle of the night and I'm really sorry. I probably shouldn't have come but…", Jane sat down on the couch and felt completely lost, "uh, maybe some water. I don't think I should be drinking any more alcohol; I am light-headed enough as it is."

When Judith sat down on the couch across from her, handed her a bottle of water and looked at her compassionately, Jane briefly felt reminded of her annoying and boring mandated therapy sessions after both Hoyt and the incident where she shot herself. The difference, however, was that she wasn't about to talk to a pencil-pushing stranger but to someone she hoped would become a friend, and that this time, she actually felt the need to share her feelings; even though she had absolutely zero practice in doing so. How did one even start such a monologue? Hallo, I am Jane and I would like to talk about how my best friend is in love with me and I have no idea what to do. Yeah no, that sounded like she had joined a Socially Awkward Anonymous meeting. Just when her mind started to wander off and wonder how awkward such hypothetical SAA meetings would be for all its participants, she forced herself back into the present and cleared her throat: "Thanks again for letting me come here. I, uh, went over to Maura's for dinner and we talked a lot. And, uh, I guess I'm confused now and you have been so helpful these past couple of days that I was hoping that, uh, you might have some advice. Maybe. You know?"

"Absolutely, Jane. I'm here for you. You can tell me whatever you like, and I will try my best to be helpful", Judith said and laughed at Jane's surprise when one of her cats showed up out of nowhere and jumped on Jane's lap.

"Uh, okay. Hi there", She waited until the cat (Sherlock, according to Judith) did the typical cat choreography of three turns until the most comfortable position to sleep in Jane's lap was reached, "let me guess, the other one's called Watson." (Yes.) "So, yes. I went to Maura's house and, as it turned out, she'd cooked me my favorite childhood dinner and we had a really nice time. After dinner, we had dessert and started talking. She asked me what I thought had been going on with her since I jumped off the bridge and I told her about the conclusion I had reached with your help. And yes, she confirmed it. She told me that she is in love with me and that she wants to be in a relationship with me. She was very emotional and cried; I could feel her pain and it broke my heart to see her like this. So I kind of hugged her, tried to comfort her and we sat there like that for a long time. And yeah, I'm so confused and I don't even know why." Jane omitted the almost-kiss even though it was probably the event that needed most processing.

"That's absolutely understandable, though. Anyone would be confused after such a confession. After all, even though you figured it out yesterday, it came as an absolute surprise after what I understand have been many years of friendship. I can imagine that you were, and are, feeling a whole array of emotions and I will do my best to help you sort through them. If that's what you want, I mean." In a parallel universe, Jane thought, Judith could easily have been a top-notch psychologist.

"Uh, I'm pretty new to this emotion stuff. I usually try to avoid talking about feelings but Maura's too important to keep doing this, I think. So, yes. Please. I know for sure that I was nervous as hell, but that's probably not an emotion, huh?" Jane mumbled and tried to win time by petting the cat. "Apart from that, I have no idea."

"Well, fear is definitely an emotion. So, I guess nervousness might count, too. Did you feel sad after Maura confessed her love to you, for example?"

Jane stared down at the cat for a moment, then merely shrugged: "Sad? No, I don't think so. I mean, I was sad that she chose to ignore me for a month, sad that she thought I would abandon her if I knew about her feelings for me. But no, I wasn't sad about her confession. As long as she is part of my life, I don't think I can ever be sad because of her."

"Okay, good. Were you scared? Were you happy? And, frankly, can you at all imagine to want the same things as Maura? A romantic relationship with her?" Judith seemed to cut to the chase.

"I, uh. I wasn't scared until the… end and I honestly don't know if I was happy. I think I realized that our friendship is definitely over now, maybe forever. Everything has changed. If I'm honest with you, I did start to think about what my family and our colleagues would say if Maura and I… you know. And I just don't think I could do this. I don't think I'm gay, you know."

Judith nodded slowly and petted Watson, who had found his way to the couch as well. "Well, I know I am repeating myself but you don't have to be gay just because you're in love with one woman. Actually, you can be whatever you want. That's the beauty of being a free, thinking human being. Jane, what happened in the end? What scared you?" In this universe, Judith was obviously a top-notch detective, never missing the smallest detail.

"Uh. While we were sitting on the couch and Maura was crying, as I said, I held and comforted her. And then… goddamnit… I have no idea why, but I almost kissed her. I really would have if it hadn't been for my mother walking in in the worst possible moment." Jane could barely look at her colleague – why did she feel so ashamed?

Judith seemed genuinely surprised, trying to mask it by smiling warmly at Jane: "Wow, that certainly speaks louder than any words, I believe. You're saying you don't know why you went for the kiss but you also just called your mother's appearance the _worst _possible moment. So, at least to me, it kind of sounds like you really wanted to kiss Maura. Did you?"

Jane remained silent and finally raised her head and looked into Judith's eyes for the first time since she'd sat down on the couch of emotion-sharing, nodding: "Yes, I think I really did. I don't know what it all means, what it would mean for Maura and me. But I felt a wave of desire and, my head shut off for once in my life, I acted on it – well, almost."

"Then, I believe, there's only one question left: Do you still want to kiss her, Jane?" When Jane nodded helplessly in affirmation, Judith grinned and clapped her hands enthusiastically: "You don't have to know what it means for your future yet. Just enjoy what you're feeling and do what you feel like, as long as it doesn't hurt either one of you two. So, in the words of Sebastian, the crab – go on and kiss the girl!"

Judith was right. She was in a situation unlike anything she'd ever experienced and not having all the answers was absolutely alright. She wanted to kiss Maura back on the couch and yes, even though she was terrified, she still wanted to. Forgetting all about the cat in her lap, Jane jumped up and was halfway out the door when she realized she had no means of transportation: "Damn it. I had wine at dinner, so I took a cab over here and left my car at Maura's. I'll have to call another one."

Judith, however, had already jumped up, too, and grabbed her coat and keys: "Nonsense, I'll drive you. Amor reporting to duty. My wings are hidden under my bath robe, you know. Let's go."


	14. Chapter 14

_Author's note:_

_Hey guys! I'm so sorry it took me forever to post this new chapter. The holidays came up, I had a lot of work, got really sick and then had to start studying for final exams. Now I finally managed to sit down (yay, procrastination) and produce this chapter that is probably the most important chapter I have ever written. Even though it's rather short (sorry!), I hope you like it and get excited about it as much as I do/am – you're very welcome to leave any comments in form of a review or a PM for me. I can't wait to hear what you think of it! And with regard to future updates: I have a big final exam coming up in the middle of February so I might not be able to post much until then. But I will try. And now, enjoy!_

During the car ride, Jane was so nervous she could barely speak, the ravioli in her stomach moving around menacingly. Who knew how eternally long 20 minutes could be? She tried to imagine Maura's face opening the door but she had absolutely no idea what was going to happen. Maybe by now, Maura was already fast asleep and wouldn't even hear the doorbell. Or maybe she had gotten angry with Jane because of her sudden departure and no longer wanted to see her. Or maybe, and that was the worst option of all, her mother was still with Maura and would make any kissing impossible.

"It's gonna be okay, Jane. Try breathing, it helps", Judith smiled at her as she pulled up in front of Maura's driveway, "I'm not sure you have ever followed this piece of advice from anyone but maybe this once: just follow your heart. I highly doubt you could do anything wrong then."

With a helpless shrug, Jane opened the door and hoped that her legs would not forsake her: "Thank you so much for everything, Judith. I wouldn't be here right now if it weren't for you – both literally and metaphorically. I'll talk to you later. Tell Sherlock sorry for basically throwing him off my lap." And with that remark, Jane carefully closed the passenger door behind her, turned around and faced what clearly was the longest driveway in history. Lights were still on both in the guest house (which probably meant that Angela was no longer with Maura) and in Maura's living room, which meant that Maura was still awake… and would most likely open the door. Her legs barely carrying her weight, her entire body shaking uncontrollably, Jane finally reached the front door. What would Maura say? What would she herself say? Would there even be any speaking? Would they really kiss? Her mind was racing so fast that, at least for a moment, Jane was afraid to actually lose it. There was only one way to find out, and it was about time she did. Due to her trembling hands, she barely managed to ring the doorbell, and it took an eternity until footsteps could be heard (or was it only her heartbeat?).

When the front door opened and Maura stared at her in surprise, Jane was unable to speak for a moment. Maura had changed out of her dress and into pajamas and a robe, her uncombed hair framing her perfect face, and she had never looked more beautiful to Jane than in this very instant. "Maura", Jane said without knowing what else to say, as it became clearer and clearer that this was not the moment for words. Instead, Jane slowly walked up the two stairs that still separated them and shyly asked, "May I come in?"

Maura, apparently at a loss of words as well, merely stepped aside to let Jane in and closed the door behind them. Inside, she leaned against the door, her hazel eyes observing every move Jane made. The latter, dropping her jacket to the floor, turned around and slowly walked towards Maura, none of them making even the slightest noise, until they were so close their noses almost touched. Jane reached up and lightly touched Maura's cheek, brushing a strand of hair out of her face. Her stomach clenched when she realized that Maura was just as nervous as she was; none of the two had breathed in what seemed way too long. She brought her other hand up to Maura's face, gently caressing her other cheek, forehead, nose and finally, her lips, as if asking for permission. It was granted when Maura reached up for Jane's T-Shirt to pull her even closer towards her and buried her hands in Jane's black hair. The moment their lips touched for the very first time, fireworks seemed to explode inside Jane's stomach, sending a wave of heat and desire through her body, and Jane could almost feel an electric current running between their bodies. Maura's lips were softer than anything she had ever touched before, and she still tasted of a mixture of chocolate and chardonnay. At first, their kiss was slow, shy, tentative; then more and more passionate, long and demanding, and by the time Jane finally broke away from it, Maura had her pinned against the door and held her by the hips. "Wow", was the only thing she managed to whisper, completely out of breath.

"I didn't expect any of this, but I am glad you came back", Maura mumbled into her hair as she buried her face in the soft curve of Jane's neck, "you smell heavenly, has anyone ever told you this?"

Jane chuckled as she put her arms around Maura and placed a kiss on her forehead: "I'm happy, too. I shouldn't have left in the first place but I needed some… processing before I could finally see things clearly. Has my mother eaten everything, or is there any chocolate fondue left, by any chance?"

Maura answered with a sigh, apparently unwilling to break the embrace, but ultimately took Jane's hand and led her into the living room, where the chocolate fondue was still set up on the coffee table. While Maura was lighting the candle and refilling the fondue pot with chocolate, Jane kicked off her shoes, made herself comfortable on the couch and under Maura's softest blanket, and held out her hand for Maura to sit with her. When Maura took her hand, Jane pulled her into her lap and held her in her arms, smiling like an idiot. For a moment, she didn't know what to say and everything she wanted in this world was to look down into Maura's face forever. Maura reached up and gently touched her, her hand moving down from Jane's face to her neck and shoulder and back, until she pulled Jane into another, second kiss. Once again, Jane felt like her whole body was on fire and she felt like Maura's lips were not only on her lips but everywhere on her skin. A barely audible moan escaped her when they actually broke away from hers and started to wander; first across her cheek, to her ear – Maura's fast breathing sent yet another wave of desire through her – and down her neck. In this instant, Jane wanted nothing more than those lips to never stop wandering south but her reason finally intervened: it would have been too much too soon. When she slowly pulled away, she needed a moment to take everything in: Maura's blushed cheeks and her sparkling hazel eyes full of desire, the fact that they had just shared the best two kisses of Jane's entire life and that burning heat inside her that wanted nothing more than to take Maura to her bedroom and do things she didn't even know how to do. Finally, it was Maura who broke the embrace when she sat up to dip two strawberries in chocolate, handed one to Jane and snuggled up to her.

"Maura. I feel like I should explain myself. I think I left earlier because I almost kissed you right there, right then. And that terrified me", Jane started but was interrupted by Maura, who told her there was no need for explanations. "… No, but I want to. I want you to know that what just happened was the best thing that has ever happened to me. I have never felt this way before; I feel something for you that I never would have thought possible. But it is. And I think I started to realize all of this earlier and I didn't think I could manage. But that was stupid and I came back. And now I know I can, and I want to. But you'll have to be patient with me because this is all so new and I have no idea what to do and how to do it."

Maura smiled at her and leaned in to kiss away a drop of chocolate on Jane's lips: "It is new for me, too. We can figure it all out together. Step by step, and without any rush. If that's what you want… to be together, I mean."

A week ago, Jane would have laughed at anyone who would have suggested that, soon, she'd discuss the possibility of "togetherness", of a relationship with her (former) best friend. Was Maura her girlfriend now? Her partner? It still felt weird to think about her as such, but she was absolutely sure that "together" was indeed what she wanted: "Yes, Maura. I want to be with you and I'm sorry it took me so long to figure that out."

"No apologies, Jane. I needed my time and you needed yours. But now we're here. Together. Is there anything you want right now? Another glass of wine? Anything? Would you like to stay over? The guest room is yours if you prefer to sleep alone and take things slow." Maura seemed nervous as she was hiding the important question (Would you like to stay over?) among the others.

And yes, indeed; she definitely wanted to stay over: "I would love to, yes. You might be right; the guest room is probably a good idea." After all, the heat inside her was still there, ready to take control of her body and mind in search for Maura's soft skin. "But for now, I would love to eat more chocolate strawberries and kiss you", she almost whispered as she dipped a fruit in chocolate, fed it to Maura and pulled her in to kiss away every trace of chocolate on her lips. If chocolate fondue was heaven, then chocolate on Maura's lips was paradise.

When they were finally tired (and had to stop kissing because of it), they went to bed and their goodnight kiss in the hall was almost awkward. Brushing her teeth and looking at herself in the bathroom mirror, Jane realized how ridiculous this attempt of sleeping apart was. She wanted nothing more than to snuggle up to Maura, enjoy the warmth of her body and fall asleep with her face buried in Maura's neck. What was the harm in that? She took off her pants, realized she had taken her "Maura's house pajamas" home with her the last time she'd stayed here, merely shrugged and tiptoed along the hallway in only her T-Shirt and underpants. Maybe Maura was already asleep? Her room was dark.

But the moment she lay down, Maura switched on the bedside lamp and turned to her, laughing: "So. Are we having a sleepover, or is this your way of telling me you're attracted to me?"


	15. Chapter 15

Jane giggled as she turned to her side to face Maura, whose face seemed almost golden in the light of the bedside lamp: "I'm not entirely sure yet. Maybe you should kiss me again, just so I can confirm my suspicions".

As a response, Maura leaned in and gently kissed Jane, who let her hand wander underneath the sheets to caress Maura's back. She almost withdrew her hand, when, instead of the silk of Maura's pajama, she touched a different kind of silk – that of Maura's skin. How could she have forgotten that Maura always slept in the nude? The idea of Maura's naked body right next to her made her nervous, but also curious… and desperate to touch every millimeter of it. "Yeah, okay. I think I'm definitely attracted to you", Jane whispered when Maura's lips finally parted from hers after another passionate kiss, "You are completely naked under there, aren't you?" Her hand was shaking as her fingers wandered up and down Maura's back, retracing her spine, afraid to explore any further.

Maura merely nodded, and reached back to take Jane's hand and lead it up her side, shoulder and neck before bringing it up to her mouth to place a gentle kiss on it: "I understand if you're not ready yet. I don't even know if I am. But I'm so glad you decided to join me, anyways."

At a loss of words yet again and trembling like a leaf, Jane leaned forward and kissed Maura's forehead, tip of the nose, chin and finally her lips before putting her arm around herself and resting her head on Maura's naked shoulder. Her own arm across Maura's chest, she could feel the warmth of her breasts on her skin – a promise of the future. For now, all she wanted to do was enjoy the closeness of their bodies and fall sleep in her arms. "Good night, Maura", she mumbled and closed her eyes. Who knew love could be this exhausting in all the good ways?

When the song of a particularly enthusiastic bird led her back to the surface from a beautiful dream (Maura was in it, obviously), Jane was momentarily disoriented. How could that bird be so close to her bedroom window if there wasn't even a tree in front of it? Only when she finally opened her eyes and saw the sunlight fighting its way through the half-closed blinds of Maura's bedroom, Jane remembered the events of the previous night and smiled as she turned around to wake Maura up with a kiss – to find the bed empty. With a sigh, Jane buried her face in Maura's pillow and, breathing in her scent, replayed everything that had happened since they caught Johnson's killer the day before. The longer she thought about her first kiss with Maura (and how it had made her feel), the less real it seemed. And yet here she was under Maura's expensive satin sheets, wearing nothing but a T-Shirt and her underwear and feeling more well-rested and relaxed than she had in a long time. One part of her wanted to stay in bed forever and wait for Maura to return to her side, the other ached to see Maura's face and shower her with good-morning kisses. How could she miss someone whom she could clearly hear rummaging in the kitchen? With another sigh, Jane got up, borrowed Maura's robe and tiptoed barefoot into the hallway.

For a moment, Jane stood in the open doorway and silently watched Maura preparing breakfast in her pajamas. Her hair in a messy bun framing her face, a warm smile on her lips, Maura was humming a song as she poured coffee in two mugs and carried them to the table, on which Jane could see all sorts of delicious morning treats: leftover fruit from their chocolate-y dessert, yoghurt, something that looked like pancakes, toast, eggs and two glasses of milk. Granted, Jane usually wasn't a big fan of breakfast (who needed anything other than coffee, anyways?) but a loud stomach rumble both made her think breakfast was the best idea Maura had ever had and gave her away. "Good morning, Jane. Your borborygmus tells me you woke up at exactly the right moment. Breakfast is ready", Maura chuckled as she walked over to Jane and pulled her into an embrace.

Jane smiled as she put her arms around Maura's hips and placed a gentle kiss on her neck. The unpronounceable medical term Maura had just used confirmed it – the woman in her arms was indeed the Maura she had known for so many years, and yet she seemed like a different person now; just like everything else seemed to be different, somehow brighter and more colorful today. "Good morning, Maura. How did you sleep?" Jane asked but didn't give Maura time to answer, as she lifted up her chin and got the good-morning kiss she had been longing for.

Maura smiled as she took Jane's hand and led her to the table: "Heavenly, with you by my side. Were you dreaming something nice this morning? You had the cutest little smile on your face when I got up. I almost gave up on breakfast just to watch you sleep but then I thought 'What would Jane want upon waking up? Me staring at her or a triple shot of espresso?' So here it is, cheers".

Jane giggled as she leaned in to steal another kiss: "After sleeping like a log, a triple shot of Maura would have been just as amazing, but thank you anyways. I was dreaming about being on vacation in Hawaii with you, and it was perfect. I wish we could do that in real life. But for now, breakfast is just as perfect. It all looks great, and you even made pancakes. Please tell me they don't contain… like… kale or one of your other mysterious superfoods."

Maura almost spat out the sip of coffee she had taken and laughed until she cried: "Kale in pancakes? Not even I would think of such a horrific recipe. That doesn't even make sense. The only thing that might be different is the fact that I only had wholemeal flour but I tried to make up for it by using real butter instead of margarine and I melted the rest of last night's chocolate to use instead of regular syrup – which I don't own."

"You know me so well. I think I can forgive you for the flour situation", Jane laughed as she was already bathing her first pancake in chocolate.

Maura, opting for a healthier breakfast, poured yoghurt over a bowl of fruit and mixed it with a spoonful of chia seeds. She closed her eyes upon tasting it, sighed happily and mumbled: "Oh, that's divine" – and Jane almost dropped her pancake. Had Maura always looked this sexy while eating? How had she never realized it before?

They were still enjoying their coffees, feeding each other the last grapes from the chocolate fondue between sips (and giggling like teenagers), when they suddenly heard a key turning in the door lock and a confused 'huh?' when the door chain stopped Angela from entering the house. Jane almost dropped the coffee mug as she stared at Maura in panic. How on earth would she explain being in Maura's living room in her underpants and a robe that wasn't even her own? Maura, her eyes just as wide open in shock, shrugged and quickly shook her head. Then she grabbed Jane's plate, glass and hid them under the overhang of the tablecloth on another chair and mouthed a single word to Jane: 'run!' Still in complete panic mode, Jane jumped up, almost knocking the chair over, and ran out of the living room, her coffee mug still in her hands. Hiding in the safety of the hallway, she didn't know whether to laugh or to cry because, even well in her thirties, her mother had managed to destroy a romantic situation for her and covered her mouth with her free hand to not give herself away by accident.

Maura had gotten up and let Angela in and Jane could clearly hear their conversation. "Wow, Maura, what a breakfast. Treating yourself after a difficult case, I guess?" Angela said as she walked to the table and scanned the room. "Wait, is Janie here?"

"What, why? No", Maura blurted out and Jane could hear her nervousness from the hallway. Hopefully, Angela wouldn't pick up on it as easily.

"Isn't that Jane's jacket hanging over the back of the chair?" Angela replied and Jane had to refrain from slapping herself on the forehead. Maura had probably picked it up from the floor in the morning and now it was about to out them on their very first day together.

Maura, however, surprised her by offering a fairly believable explanation and Jane hoped her hives wouldn't betray her: "Oh, you're right! She must have forgotten it last night. I'm sure she'll come pick it up when she realizes."

Jane couldn't see her mother's face but perfectly visualized her watchful eyes squint when Angela said: "Really? I could swear she took it with her. But anyways, tell her to call me when you see her. I came over to ask if I could borrow a bit of milk from you."

A few minutes later, Angela left and Maura was carefully locking the door again when Jane snuck back into the room. She laughed as she put her arms around Maura and buried her face in Maura's hair for an instant: "In another life, that woman could have been a badass P.I. That was close and now I feel like a teenager sneaking around with my first love again".

Maura chuckled and gently kissed the tip of Jane's nose: "Well, in that case we should probably go on our first official date, don't you think?"

Jane grinned as she nodded enthusiastically: "Absolutely. Where do you wanna go?"

_Author's note: _

_Dear readers, after two really difficult final exams and a lot of work, I'm finally back and it took me a while to get into my Rizzles flow again. Because of that, this chapter is a bit short but I still giggled a lot at their cuteness. I hope you enjoyed it as well! _

_Anyways, I would like to start a little experiment that I've been thinking about for a while now. I ended the chapter with Jane asking about their first date because, even though I have a few ideas of my own, I would love to include you, my readers, in answering her question. If you have any ideas or wishes for their first date, please tweet them to me ( AT dateileiche ), send me a PM on here or even leave them in a review. The best idea will feature in the next chapter as those two cutie pies go on their first date! I'm excited to get in touch with you and hear your ideas! It's so great to be back. xoxo Dateileiche_


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